Zelda: Ocarina of Time is the seventeenth honest trailer.
ScriptEditFrom the company who makes the consoles you buy once you already have an Xbox, PC, or PlayStation (Nintendo) comes a game so good it made you spend thirty bucks on a real ocarina at Anime Expo, then give up learning how to play it after five minutes. (tries to play the ocarina, but plays badly) This thing is impossible! Legend of Zelda, The Ocarina of Time. Return to Hyrule in a time of great crisis for an adventure that's set before A Link to the Past, but after Skyward Sword and before Four Swords, but not before Four Swords Adventure; that's before Wind Waker, but only in one of the alternate universes which... Ah, f**k it. It's a Zelda game.
Enjoy one of the most original installments of the franchise where instead of rehashing the same-old characters, items, and enemies, you'll also get an ocarina. (Link from A Link to the Past carries an ocarina) Oh, that one had an ocarina, too? Sh*t!
Meet Link, the iconic character idiots still refer to as Zelda. He's a pointy-ear, pale-skin boy who lives in a magical forest but totally isn't an elf.
Listen to Link as he only communicates in high-pitched karate grunts (Link grunts as he does somersaults) and cringe as his Microsoft paper clip of a sidekick runs her mouth in the entire f***ing game.
Navi: Hey, listen!
Narrator: I'm listening.
Navi: Look! Hey! Watch out! Hey! Look! Hey! L-l-l-l-li-l-l-l-listen!
Narrator: I already know how to open a door!
Face off against the evil Ganondorf, king of an all female race (Gerudo) who gives birth to one man every hundred years. Only one, huh? No wonder why he's so pissed off.
Battle your way through a children's game full of sexually ambiguous supporting characters like this naked old troll man (Drunia), this little fish girl with her blewbs out (Ruto), this cross-dressing princess (Zelda as Shiek), this butch lesbian (Impa), and whatever the hell these are suppose to be (Great Fairy). Ugh.
Lose yourself in an epic game that begs you to explore every corner, learn every useless song, and smash... every... pot. (hardcore music is played while Link destroys pots) Oh, yeah!
So enjoy the classic whose influence can still be felt today from the open world that influenced GTA III to the massive dungeons bosses who influenced Dark Souls to the water temple that influenced Guantanamo Bay interrogation techniques. F**king water temple
Starring Mew2King (Shiek), Jar-Jar Blinks (Navi) Ginger Dork (Ganondorf), The Giving Tree (Great Deku Tree), Ginuwine (Link on Epona), Angry Birds (Cuccos), and Zelda (Link). The Legend of Zelda: OOT.
So Future Link learns the song from that windmill guy because Past Link played that song and got it stuck in his head. Fine, but Past Link only knew the song because Future Link learned that song and went back in time. I call shenanigans! Great game, though.