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X-Mas Porn on Santa's Computer
X-Mas: PORN on Santa's Computer (a.k.a. X-Mas: Santa's Search History!) is a Smosh video uploaded on December 4, 2009. This is part 1 of a 4-part series of Smoshy Christmas stories.

Plot

Introduction

Ian and Anthony are roasting chestnuts (a bowl of apples) over an open fire. Ian states that if there's anything else that he and Anthony love, it's Christmas. Anthony says, "We love Christmas so much, we got tattoos to prove it." They then unravel their sleeves to reveal tattoos that read "I Heart Chris" on Anthony's arm and "Tmas" on Ian's. Ian points to a big, old-looking book, and says, "To celebrate the holiday season, we'd like to share some of our own holiday stories with you." Anthony opens the book and starts reading.

Stories

NOTE: Most of the names of the clips are not official.

Santa on the Computer

Santa Claus (Anthony) is on the computer and Mrs. Claus (Ian) is reading a cookbook entitled "HOW TO CREATE A HAM OUT OF THIN AIR." When Mrs. Claus asks what Santa is doing, he says that he's bidding on a Snuggie on eBay, but is annoyed that an "ass-face" keeps outbidding him. After Santa loses the auction, he tells his wife that he's sick of the 56k internet in the North Pole, and it doesn't help that they haven't gotten the newest operating system. His computer reveals that he was looking for porn and bidding on eBay.

Christmas Presents Direct

"Did you forget to buy Christmas presents, and now it's Christmas Day? We're here to help! We're Christmas Presents Direct! Simply give us the address of your Christmas party, and we'll send one of out associates right over.'They'll pick out whatever they can on the way to your house, and wrap it up for you! We guarantee that your family and friends are going to love the variety of gifts that Christmas Presents Direct has to offer!" (Ian's family opens up the gifts that Christmas Presents Direct gave him. A random man opens up a wheelchair, Anthony opens up a half-eaten sandwich, ("How did you know?"), and a regular Smosh extra says, "I wonder what this could be!" He shakes the unwrapped gift, and a cat's meow is heard.)

Front-Door Caroling

Ian, Anthony, a girl, and three men who are regular Smosh extras, sing Jingle Bells to a woman at the front of her house. However, they don't get far into the song before the woman slams the door on them.

Billy Hamburger Skit

Billy Hamburger (Ian) wakes up to his alarm clock, exclaims that it's Christmas, and tells his mom he's going sledding. He runs into his front yard and jumps onto a sled, but then falls onto the ground, which doesn't have any snow at all.

Christmas Gift Guard

"Hey parents! Are you tired of your kids sneaking into your room to see what present you got them?" (Billy opens the door to a closet to find a book entitled 100 Best Fart Jokes). "From the makers of Christmas Presents Direct, we bring you Christmas Gift Guard! When you order, a former US special commando will be sent to your house immediately to guard your presents before you wrap them up for Christmas." (Billy opens the door to the closet again, but a soldier hits him in the head with a gun, and then drags his unconscious body out of sight.) "We are not responsible for any deaths, gunshot wounds, knife wounds, punching stick traps, land mines, or piano wire stranglings."

Santa Illusions Express (Extra)

The narrator asks a mother if she is tired of her kid not believing in Santa which the mother agreed. The narrator said they have the Santa Illusion Expresss to make the kid believe in Santa all over again. He also said that they have different ways to make the child believe in Santa depending on the budget like a video message from Santa. Santa (Anthony) tells Billy Hamburger that he is real. The narrator says that the premium package also comes with a real life sighting of Santa. Billy's sister and mother watches Santa from outside delivering gifts. Finally, for the executive package, they have a fake emergency landing of Santa. A battleship fired a missile at the mother's house. The mother said to the girl that Santa landed on the roof. The roof was on fire and the mother said that Santa is real and that he is dead which made the girl cry.

Ending

Ian and Anthony close the story book and tell the viewer that they'll be back for more in Part 2.

Trivia/Goofs

  • The story book is actually a guide book for The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess.
  • The Front-Door Caroling segment appears at the middle and end of the last 2 parts, but have a longer time span in part 3.
  • The wheelchair that one of Ian's Family Members opens is the Wheelchair from Lunchtime with Smosh.
  • On Santa's computer, there is a video called 2 Elves 1 Cup (misspelled as "2 Elfs 1 Cup"). It is a parody of 2Girls1Cup.
  • Ian finding the cat as a Christmas present may be a reference to Schrödinger's cat. This is supported by the fact he did not unwrap the present.
  • This is the second video to make use of a customized thumbnail, with the first being A Hairy Situation w/ Billy Mays.
  • Due to YouTube demonetizing videos to appeal to the advertisers' wishes, and perhaps due to more young people frequenting YouTube, the video's title was changed in 2017 to a more acceptable name.

Gallery

Shut Up! Opening

"Deck the halls with boughs of holly, fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-SHUT UP!"
—{{{2}}}
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