In Ian's bedroon in the morning (Anthony wakes up)
Anthony: (talks in his thoughts) This isn't my room. Wait holy crap, I got lucky last night? Booyah! Wonder if she's hot! Let's take a little peeksie in the feetsie. (sees a hairy foot) Meh, I've seen worse. (talks out) Wake up!
Ian: (wakes up) What?
(They both got scared of each other)
Anthony: Ah, get off! What the hell, we're stuck together?! What did you do this time?
Ian: I didn't do anything!
Anthony: Well, (gets ticked off) damn it. Retrace your steps. (exhales) What's the last thing I remember?
Ian: (sings) Hey, I just met you,
And this is crazy,
But here's my number,
ringtone: Grab your girl and have some Dixon Cider.
Ian: (answers the phone) Hey.
Anthony: Dude, there's a ton of shooting stars outside right now; take a look.
Ian: (sees the shooting stars) Ah, cool.
Anthony: Make a wish.
Ian: I-I'm kinda busy dude.
Anthony: MAKE A WISH!
Ian: Okay dude I will, later. (hangs up and sings) here's my number,
So call me, maybe?
Anthony: (thoughts) Man, I never see Ian anymore. I wish we got to spend more time, together.
Back in the present
Ian: You wished that we'd be together?! You idiot! (slaps Anthony)
Anthony: Well I didn't know it's gonna be interpreted that way! (starts to mimic what Ian says)
Ian: (stops slapping) Rule number one in pre-school, you don't f**k with shooting stars.
Anthony: Yeah yeah I know, okay? Don't worry though I think I know someone who could probably help us out.
Near a construction sight
boss: Yeah I can separate you two ladies, but it'll cost you ten grand.
Anthony: What? We're broke.
Ian: Yeah, my money tree hasn't sprouted any money yet.
boss: Well I mean I could do it for half if one of you ladies is okay with dying.
Ian: Oh well I mean he could if---- (sees Anthony not liking it) Fine, we'll get you you're stupid ten thousand.
boss: Good. (calls his mom) Hey mom. Yeah, how do you transport ten thousand McChicken Sandwiches?
(Ian and Anthony left)
Anthony: (breathes) Where the hell are we gonna get that kind of money?
Ian: Well we can always become sperm donors.
Anthony: Yeah! Wait, I don't think I can do it. You know, being attached to you and everything.
Ian: I could.
(They caught a flyer)
Anthony: (reads the flyer) A beauty contest and the grand prize is ten...
Ian: Ten hundred dollars. Or ten th-thousand.
Ian: Well dude, we've got this; we're two beautiful men.
Anthony: Yes especially with my rock-hard abs.
Ian: Yeah. (talks to the sky) Thanks for the flyer Jesus!
Jesús: Actually, my name is Jesús, but your welcome.
At the contest
announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the fifth annual beauty competitionbrought to you by Boo's famous Crab Stew. He's got crabs and he wants to give them to you.
Ian: (mumbles) Dude, look at our competition. We are screwed.
Anthony: (mumbles) Nah man, we got this. Remember, my rock-hard abs?
Ian: (mumbles) Oh yeah!
judge: (comes in the stage) Okay contestants, the first of three challenges, the sexiest abs contest.
(Ian and Anthony nod their heads upwards)
judge: Go! (shoots a gun upwards)
Anthony: Pf. Winner winner freakin dinner. (shows his fake abs)
judge: (points at the fake abs) FAKE!
(Ian and Anthony revieve a loss)
announcer: This portion of the event is brought to you by Unicorn in the Jar. Eat it; you'll crap rainbows.
Anthony: He was just jealous of my rock-hard abs.
judge: And now for your second challenge, the three-legged race. First person to touch my pits wins. Go! (shoots a gun putting a hole in the ceiling and gets his head hurt from falling insulation)
(Ian and Anthony race againist the girls in slow motion and fell while losing)
Ian: Ah, my leg bone.
Anthony: My labia!
(the girls win)
judge: Good job girls, keep touching my pits.
(the girls revieved a pit bonus and the boys got another loss)
Anthony: We would've won if you didn't suck at running.
Ian: Okay, what about you and your nonexisting abs that look like a BALLSACK?
Anthony: You're a ballsack!
Ian: Ah, am not.
Anthony: Yeah you are (cat fights with Ian), look at you. You're stupid. God! Look at your stupid... (keeps talking)
judge: God, I love cat fights.
(the camera plays Ian and Anthony's fight in slow motion)
judge: So hot. Anyway contestsants, next up we have the swimsuit competition. Go! (shoots a gun at the janitor)
janitor: (falls down) Ahahah! (dies)
announcer: The swimsuit competition is brought to you by Robot Viagra. Don't short circuit, get down and work it.
judge: (sees the first swimsuit) Nice. (sees the second swimsuit) Lovely. (sees Ian and Anthony's swimsuit) Ah ah, four boobs! Awesome! (raises Anthony's hand) You win!
Ian: We did?
judge: Yes. It says so in the official rule book, any person with four boobs is automatically a winner. Especially when those boobs look so incredibly irresistible.
(Ian and Anthony laugh and walk away)
Ian: Thank you.
Back in the construction sight
boss: One inch long, four inches in circumference.
Anthony: Here's your stupid money. (gives the receipt)
boss: (takes the receipt) Ah sweet and uh here's your treatment ladies. (puts the glue remover on Ian and Anthony) Uh, should only come off in just a couple of seconds.
Anthony: You know what, we may have bickered and gotten into a ton of fights and had to sit next to each other when we took turns pooping but in the end, I'm kinda glad we gotta spend some time together man.
Ian: Me too man.
Anthony: Ah! Why does it smell like your mom?
boss: What, it's just glue remover, turns out you two ladies were just stuck together with super glue. He. (drinks the glue remover)
Ian: Oh yeah.
Ian: Dear shooting star, I wish for some super glue so I can glue myself to Anthony. It's gonna be so funny when he's like, "Oh my god, we're all stuck together. What?" Hehehehe. Hehehehehe.
Back in the present
Ian: Hehehehe. Oh man, I forgot about that. It's pretty funny though, huh?
Anthony: (pushes himself away from Ian) Are you serious?!
Ian: What I thought it was fun... (fights with Anthony)
Anthony: You stupid idiot!
Ian: Oh god!
judge: (enters near the boss) Gotta love cat fights.
(the camera plays the fight in slow motion)
boss: So hot.
judge: You like four boobs too?
boss: No, I'm in the coffee you're spilling on me. It burns my flesh off. (panics)
Deleted Scene #1
boss: Hey mom. Yeah, how do you transport ten thousand McChicken Sandwiches? A big truck and a midget. Okay thank you. Bye! (hangs up)
Deleted Scene #2
boss: (starts talking to his mom again) Hey mom you still there? Yeah, I'm a grower not a shower. Good. (hangs up)