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THIS VIDEO IS OFFENSIVE script

(In a building with a poster say "FIRST ANNUAL YouTube COMMENTER MEET-UP")

Anthony: Alright, dude, look, this is the first YouTube commenter meet-up, so don't say anything ridiculous, okay? I mean, these people get offended over everything.

Ian: Uh-huh.

Anthony: No seriously. One time I posted this video about the benefits of staying hydrated, and this guy went on a thirty-three comment rant to me.

Ian: Really?

Anthony: Yeah.

Ian: That's retarded!

Offended Nerd: (pops up and puts his hand on Ian's shoulder) Excuse me, but that's offensive to retarded people.

Ian: Son of a bitch!

(a gay man turns around holding a dog)

Offended Gay Man: That's offensive! My dog is a bitch! My mom is also a bitch, so I'm double offended! (looks at Anthony) You look so cute. I'd kick your tight little ass. (leaves)

Anthony: What?

Ian: Don't worry, he's just being gay.

Offended Nerd: You can't say gay!

Ian: But he's literally gay!

Anthony: Yeah, like, right now, he's literally making out with a dude.

(the gay man is shown making out with another man)

Offended Nerd: Ooh, a ball pit! (leaves)

Ian: See? Ball pit. Signature of a lame convention.

Anthony: Sorry.

Offended Old Timey Fellow: (turns around with a old fashioned cane) How dare you make fun of my condition?!

Anthony: What are you talking about?

Ian: I don't get it.

Offended Old Timey Fellow: Lame! My legs are lame!

Anthony: Your legs are not lame, they look pretty cool.

Ian: They're straight up styling.

Offended Old Timey Fellow: No, you don't understand, lame means my legs don't work properly. 

Anthony: Okay, what?

Offended Old Timey Fellow: By God, the two of you are as dumb as those ****s!

Anthony: Whoa!

Ian: Dude, you can't say that!

Offended Old Timey Fellow: I was just referring to those bundles df sticks over there.

(shows a bundle of sticks)

Offended Old Timey Fellow: It's also to say that your brain function is about as the same as a pair of a bundle of sticks. Try not to be ENTIRELY butt hurt. (gently pats Ian and Anthony's faces) Okay? (limps off)

Anthony: I'm sorry man, this is stupid.

Justin Bieber: (from a distance) Yo, dawg, my name is Justin Bieber, and I find that offensitive because Usher says I is stupid!

Ian: Why are you not wearing pants?!

Justin Bieber: (shown without pants) I sagged them so low, they straight disappeared, yo!

Ian: Why is he even at this meet-up?

Anthony: Who else do you think leaves all the positive comments in his music videos?

(both of them point at Justin Bieber)

Ian: (begins opening a banana) You know, man, maybe we should be a little more sensitive about--

Anthony: (slaps banana down) No! Okay, can everyone just calm the f**k down and stop being overly sensitive about everything anyone says? I can't say a single thing without some dumbass trying to prove how much of a jerk I am for saying something I didn't even mean offensive! I am so DONE with everyone being such over-sensitive, annoying-ass pussies!

(everyone stares at Anthony. Shows the offended nerd playing in a small ball pit.)

Offended Nerd: What's your-- What's your problem?

Offended Cat: (meows)

(shows a fluffy white cat)

Ian: Oh, look, a cat! Guess what? Anthony just said the word pussy!

Anthony: Yeah, what are you going to do, freak out about how offensive that was like EVERYONE ELSE here?

Offended Cat: Yes.

Ian and Anthony: (screams in fear)

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