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In the neighborhood

Anthony: Just think about it.

Ian: No! Everyone knows that the Hulk's crafts would be way more lethal than Superman.

Anthony: No, just think about Superman's craft. He could like fly and stuff. (sees a yard sale sign) Oh dude check it out.

Ian: Let's go make fun of the stupid junk those losers are probably trying to sell.

(Ian and Anthony laugh)


In the yard sale

(Ian and Anthony make fun of the items in the sale)

Ian: (knocks down books) Lame!

Anthony: (talks to the old man) Nice junk, old man.

Ian: (talks to the old man) Yeah! Where did get it from, the junk store?

(Ian and Anthony laugh)

Ian: Yeah! (laughs more)

(Ian and Anthony saw the Pokémon card)

Anthony: Oh my god!

Ian and Anthony: First edition holographic Charizard!

Anthony: How much do you want for it? I'll pay you anything.

Ian: (takes the card) I'll pay you anything he's paying plus my lucky nickel.

Old man: (takes the card) I ain't selling it to either of you rude punks. Now get out of here, before I call the sheriff.

(Ian and Anthony walked away)

Old man: I only sell my junk to people who deserve it.

Ian: (talks like the old man) I only sell my junk to people who deserve... (hits a rack and talks normal) Ow! Oh! (picks up a dress, gets an idea and ducks down dressing himself and later talks to the old man in a high-pitched voice) Ah, somebody help me! I'm going into labor!

Old man: Oh sure thing, ma'am. How can I help you?

Ian: Well, I was looking for a trading card for my unborn baby. Maybe one with an orange dragon on it. Oh, how about this one? (grabs the card) Mm, that would be perfect for my unborn baby.

Anthony: (heard Ian talking and puts on the cap and a fake in the middle of Ian talking) Stop right there, my beautiful wife!

Ian: Huh?

Anthony: (goes to Ian) Doctor said you can't touch trading cards, might hurt our precious little baby.

Old man: Oh, no. (takes the card)

Anthony: Yeah!

Old man: Sorry about that.

Ian: No, you don't understand. This man's not my husband.

Anthony: Uh, doctor also said that she might be having some memory loss during her last trimester. Hehe. (talks to Ian) It's okay honey.

Ian: (talks normal) Get off me.

Anthony: I'll get that trading card for you. (talks to the old man) Women, am I right? (laughs) Alright, now uh how much do I owe you for this here trading card?

Ian: (changes his disguise to a doctor) Hold on there. (pops up) This just in, new medical study show that women can touch trading card while pregnant. In fact, (takes the card) your wife asked me to take this card while on the way to hospital.

Anthony: Come on man!

Old man: Can't argue with science son.

Ian: She's gonna be such a happy mother.

Anthony: (changes his disguise to a sherif) Stop right there criminal! (enters) Nice try Dr. Death! (takes the card) This man is wanted in over five hundred states for selling illegal steroids to five-year-olds.

Old man: That's horrible!

Anthony: And I need this little guy as evidence for my part of my investigation.

Old man: Of course sherif.

Ian: (changes his disguise to the mayor) Stop this man! (rumbles his lips)

(the old man takes the card)

Anthony: And who are you suppose to be?

Ian: Well I'm the mayor of this here city, and I'm here to clear the good doctor's name. And while I'm at it, I might as well take that little trading card for that poor-old-pregnant lady.

Old man: (salutes) Yes, sir, (gives the card) Mr. Mayor, sir.

Anthony: (changes his disguise to James Bond) Get down Mr. Mayor! (elbow punches Ian)

Ian: Ow! (falls down)

Anthony: Someone was plotting to kidnap the mayor! (points the fake gun at the card) Drop the card! Could be rigged with explosives. (takes the card) I'm gonna have to take the card to dispose of it.

Ian: (uses fog machine and wears white face paint to act like a ghost) Oo, how could you let me die? Oo, I'm a ghost.

Anthony: (talks to Ian) What the hell man? No one's gonna believe this crap.

Ian: If you don't give me that card, I'm gonna haunt the both of you for the rest of your lives.

Old man: (gives the card) Take it!

Anthony: (changes his disguise to a Ghost Buster) I'll take care of your ghost problem, but it's gonna cost you that card.

Old man: Yeah whatever, just do it!

Anthony: Taste my proton gun you stupid ghost! (pretends to use the gun with sound effects)

Ian: (backs away) No, no, no, no! (stops backing up) Noooooooo! Ahahahahah!

(Anthony beats Ian up with the fake proton gun on the back and scrotum and pretends to stab Ian)

Anthony: (walks to the old man) So um, how about that card?

Old man: Sorry, I just sold it to some kid.

(Ian gets back up)

Ian and Anthony: What?!

(the old man shrugs)


Somewhere else in the neighborhood

Kid: (checks the card) Wow!

Ian: (disguises himself as Tony Hawk and comes to the kid) Hey kid! I'm super radical skateboarder, Tony Hawk. It would be super radical (takes the card) if you give me this super radical card.

Kid: (takes the card back) Uh, this is my Digimon card.

Anthony: (puts on a suit to disguise himself as Barack Obama and comes to the kid) Hi, I'm the president of the United States and, uh, you need to give me that card.

Kid: Uh, the president is black.

Ian: You racist little s**t! (punches the kid and takes the card) I am so sorry (gives the card to Anthony) for that kid's insensitive remarks Mister Barack Obama. Uh, do you think maybe uh, (gets his phone) we can take a picture together?

Anthony: Okay.

Ian: Yeah! (takes a picture with Anthony on his phone) Now I can tell everyone I have black friends. (runs off) Yeah!

Narrator: (shows a caption) BLACK FRIENDS ARE AWESOME! (shows an eagle sound)

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