narrator #2: Previously on Smosh...
In Ian's bedroom
Anthony: Please sir, tell me a story about Christmas!
Ian: Okay, I'll tell you a story about Christmas!
In the story at the living room
Anthony: How about we go back in time, and destroy Christmas so it never exist?
By Ryan's house
Ian: Were you just making out with that lamp?
Ryan: (gasps) No!
By Harley's house
Harley: (leaves the vehicle) Sup, bitches?
In the late Maastrichtian Age
(a Tyrannosaurus rex spots Ian, Anthony, and Ryan and roars having them scream in fear)
Story (Part 2)
(The T. Rex dies)
Anthony: Man, who knew T. Rexes would be allergic to the incandescent glow of light bulbs. Thanks Ryan Higa.
Ryan: Uh what?
Anthony: Alright guys, these are all the things I hate about Christmas. If we can stop this things from existing, there will never be a Christmas. First up, we have (reads the paper) canned cranberries.
Ian: What the freaking frick dude?! That's a long-ass list! This could take forever!
Ryan: Hey, what if we sped it up with a song?
Ian: Hell yeah!
12 Days of Christmas Destruction
(song will not be in the script)
Second day (first day doesn't show any talking, just singing)
After the second part of the song while on a cranberry field
(Ian took a match and burnt down the field)
Anthony: Die stupid cranberries, die! (laughs evilly)
(Ryan leaves Ian and Anthony)
After the third part of the song in someone's house
Anthony: (lets the rats loose) Go rats, use bite-attack. (laughs evilly)
(the rats bite the Santa hats)
Jenna: (points a gun at Ian and Anthony) Not so fast, losers!
Anthony: Jenna Marbles, what are you doing here?
Ian: How are you back in time with us?
Jenna: I can't let you destroy all these Santa hats with rats.
Jenna: (gets her dogs) What the hell else am I gonna put on my dogs' heads during Christmas?
(the dogs beg)
Ian: Aw, that's so freaking adorbes!
Anthony: Too bad! (throws the rats out of the box to Jenna)
(Jenna gets scared of the rats)
Anthony: (laughs of seven seconds, and ducks and then comes back up with Ian) Ha! (ducks with Ian)
After the song in Everette's house
(Ian goes behind Everette)
Everette: I just invented eggnog.
Ian: No, you didn't! (hits Everette on the head with a log)
Everette: I don't remember what I invented. And now, I'm sad.
After the song in Pewds's house
Pewds: I just wanted the world to be prettier. (dies)
Felix: (enters) Hey, how's it going bros? My name is (talks in a loud, high-pitch voice) Pewdiepie!
Ian: Hey Pewdiepie!
Felix: My name is (talks in a loud, high-pitch voice) PEWEWEWDIEPIE!
Anthony: Yeah we get it, your name's Pewdiepie.
Felix: My name is----What, what are you doing to Mama Pewds?
Ian: What the hell is he saying?
Anthony: I don't know; I think it's, Swedish.
Felix: I'm speaking English.
Ian: No, it sounds more like Mexican to me. I-I took a lot of Mexican classes; I know this stuff.
Anthony: God you're so ignorant. Mexican isn't even a language, it's Mexicanese.
Ian: Huh, I never knew he was Mexicanese. It all makes sense.
(Anthony and Ian leaves the house)
Felix: (goes to his mother) No Mama Pewds! Why did you have to invent bows?! Whyyyyyyyyyyy?!
Before the song in Philadelphia of July 4, 1776
Ian: (sings) On the----(talks) Wait, what day are we even on now; and dude, where's Ryan Higa? He's been gone for hecka long.
Anthony: Who cares? Can we just finish this song? I felt like we've been singing it the whole video.
Ian: Fine. (sings the last part of the song)
After the song
Ian: Wait, why are we at the signing of the Declaration of Independence?
Anthony: Duh, everyone knows this is when George Washington made Christmas a holiday.
(Ian and Anthony ran by George Washington)
George: As I, George Tyler Washington, sign this declaration, America will be a country, and Christmas will be a holiday.
Ian: Uh, he kinda sounds a little different than I imagine.
Ian: Wait, do you think George Washington was gay?
Anthony: Come on man, talking like that doesn't mean you're gay.
George: Uh, yes it does, and now I will forever make Christmas the most fabulous holiday of all time.
Anthony: Uh, anyway.
Ian: Zing! (tases George Washington)
George: Ahh! **** **** oh my god no! (dies)
Anthony: Well, that's everything. Let's go back to Christmas day two thousand, thirteen and see if it worked.
(Ian and Anthony left as the puppeteer showed his middle finger)
Back in Sacramento on what's suppose to be Christmas of 2013
(Ian and Anthony travels back)
Anthony: (gets out of the time machine) Tell me young boy, what day is it?
boy: Why it's Bacon Day sir.
Ian: (gets out of the time machine) What the freaking frick in the world is Bacon Day?!
Harley: (appears by a trash bin) That's right bitches.
(Ian and Anthony gasp)
Harley: I let you destroy Christmas so I can make my evil bacon empire complete. (laughs evilly)
Ending (Part 2)
Back in real life
Anthony: Seriously dude?! That was the worst twist ending ever.
Ian: Oh you thought that was bad? (licks his hand and flips a page) I got an even worse one.
Story (Part 3)
Back in the story
(Harley still laughs evilly and Ryan dressed in a black cloak hits Harley with his lamp)
Anthony: Oh great, now who the hell is this?
(Ryan Higa reveals himself from the cloak)
Ian and Anthony: Ryan Higa?!
Ryan: I slipped away to make my brilliant plan complete.
Anthony: And what was your plan?
Ryan: I legalized... lamp marriage.
Ian and Anthony: (looked at each other) YEEEEAH!
(everyone including the T. Rex is humping lamps as the narrator sings a song about it)
Ending (Part 3)
Back in real life
Ian: And they all lived happily ever after. (closes the book) How do you feel now, bitch?!
Anthony: Okay I, I guess.
Ian: Well, (shows a present) would this make you feel better?
Anthony: (gasp as he reaches for the present and opens it) Oh my god, you got me a BFF necklace too?!
Ian: Yeah dude. BBFs for life! BBFFL.
Anthony: Oh my god it's the same color, and the same engraving, (slows down) and the (makes the sound of the letter "S")----(talks normal) Wait, it's the same necklace I got you; you just repackaged my gift!
Ian: (blows a light raspberry) I would never do that to my BBFFL.
Anthony: Oh really, then why does it say "To Ian, my best friend in the world, from Anthony; definitely not Ian so if Ian tries to repackage this, like what he does with your gift every year, you'll know"?
Ian: Uuuuum, that wasn't the gift. Uhuhuhuh, merry Christmas. (throws Anthony phones and laughs)
Anthony: (catches his phone) This is just my phone.
Ian: Uh I mean um, merry Christmas. (throws Anthony's pants)
Anthony: (takes off the blanket and sees his legs) THESE ARE MY PANTS!
Ian: Uhuhuh, (takes off his underwear) merry Christmas. (throws his underwear)
Anthony: (deflects the underwear) You son of a bitch! (gets off the bed
Ian: Wait, no! No wait.
(Anthony uses his pants to strangle Ian)
Back in the real real life in Ryan Higa's room
Ryan: The end. (closes the book) And that's the story of how Smosh, died on Christmas.
Little Lamp: (lies on Ryan's bed) That story sucked!
narrator #3: TEEHEE!
Anthony: You son of a bitch! (uses his pants to straggle Ian)
Anthony: (rubs Ian's head) Sleeeep, sleeeep. (stands still for a couple of seconds) F**k. (leaves for a little bit and then comes back showing his butt) S******t! (leaves)