In the house
Ian: (gasps) Dude, come check this video out!
Anthony: (sits down) What is it?
(Ian plays the video only to reveal a get-back-to-school video)
narrator: Everybody's going back to school, time to stock up on sparkling pens, binders, and nova canes.
Ian and Anthony: AHAHAHAH!
Anthony: Okay I know we're not gonna go to school anymore, but these commercials still freak me out.
Ian: Yeah, like do you remember our first day in high school?
Anthony: Not really.
Ian: Well, it went a little something like this.
At September, 2002 in the house
(Ian opens the door for Anthony)
Anthony: Come on, I don't wanna be late for our first day at school.
Anthony: Yeah! (spins around) Did my mom hook up the outfit or what?
Ian: That's pretty colorful dude.
Anthony: Yeah, it's uber trendy and cool. Look, I-I just don't wanna be a loser like I was in middle school, okay?
Ian: Yeah, me neither. So I got a pair of these irresistible babies.
Anthony: (laughs at Ian's shorts) OH MY GOD, THOSE ARE HIDIOUS!
Ian: Okay, leather is super in style. My mom's magazine says so.
Anthony: Alright whatever, let's just go. I don't want you to be late.
Ian: Okay, I just gotta get my sack lunch.
Anthony: Sack lunch? Dude, we're going to high school not preschool!
Ian: Did I say sack lunch? I meant fanny pack lunch!
Anthony: Oh that's the bomb.
In the kitchen
Ian: Mom, where's my sack lunch?
Ian's mom: Sack lunch? Dude, you're in a high school not preschool!
Ian: Oh I'm sorry! Did I say sack lunch? I meant MAKE ME SOME FRICKIN LUNCH MOM! You know I can't use the microwave.
Ian's mom: Yeah, because you put your you know what in it.
Ian: (feels disturbed) Mom just---- Can you just make me some lunch or not?
Ian's mom: Fine. (throws the hot pocket in the microwave) Hi ya! (kicks the microwave closed and sets the timer to two minutes)
Two minutes later on the front yard
Ian: Alright high school, here we come.
Anthony: Woah, what's with the hot pocket sandwich?
Ian: It's my lunch.
Anthony: (feels the hot pocket) Woah, it's hot.
Ian: No! You know what is hot, my leather shorts. Let's go.
(they both leave for school)
In the neighborhood
Ian: (sings while Anthony beat boxes) Uh, yeah, going to school
Because we are cool.
(two girls run to Ian)
Asian girl: (gasps) Oh my goodness, that is so irresistibly hot.
curly girl: Could we get a picture?
Ian: Uh yeah.
(the girls run to Ian)
Asian girl: (gives Anthony her phone) Here!
(Anthony takes the picture)
Asian girl: (takes the phone) Thanks! (giggles and runs off with the other girl)
Ian: See, I told you these leather shorts were awesome.
Anthony: I forgot my PE outfit.
Ian: There's PE in high school?
white construction worker: (checks Ian's shorts) Dang, that is hot.
Ian: Uh, okay.
black construction worker: Mm, hottest sting I have seen all week. (does a unique handshake with the other worker while flirting with him)
Anthony: Dude, I don't get it. Why does everyone think your shorts are cool? My outfit is uber cool.
Ian: (stops walking with Anthony) Okay, stop trying to make "uber" a popular word.
Anthony: Well it's better than your word. What was it, "swack"?
Ian: No, it's "swag". And I just need to get some annoying pop stars to start saying it, then it'll be huge.
Rachel: Hey there!
(the boys turn around)
Ian: Oh my god it's Rachel Carver, the hottest girl in our class.
Anthony: How the hell is she a freshman? She looks like she's twenty-four.
Ian: Shsh, shut up.
Rachel: That is so hot.
Ian: Huh. Uh, I-I don't know if you remember me, but my name's Ian. Uh, I-we went to school...
Rachel: I can't believe that is so freaking hot.
Ian: Oh thanks. It's uh, something new I'm trying. Uh, a lot of people seem to like it.
Rachel: Can I have it?
Ian: Have it? Uh, (sees Anthony nodding his head up and down) uh ye-yeah. Sure, yeah. (hears the zipper from his fanny pack unzipped) Woah, wha-wha-what are you doing?
Rachel: (takes a bite out of Ian's hot pocket) Mm, still hot. Thanks guy. (walks away)
Anthony: (laughs loudly) Everyone thought your hot pocket was hot, not your stupid shorts! (laughs again)
Ian: Shut up! (runs to Rachel) Hey wait! (made Rachel and him stop) Uh, you know I got more of those hot pockets back in my house if uh, if you wanna like hang out or something.
Rachel: Sure hot stuff. (frolics with Ian)
Back in the present
Anthony: Wait, that didn't happen that way.
Ian: Yeah it did.
Anthony: No. I remember what happened after she ate your hot pocket and it went nothing like that.
Back ten years ago
Rachel: Thanks guy.
black construction worker: (laughs with the other construction worker) LOOK AT THAT IDIOT'S SHORTS! (laughs some more while doing the unique handshake while flirting)
Asian girl: (laughs with the other girl) Those shorts are so frickin ugly. (laughs more)
(Ian sees Rachel and his mom laughing at him and tries to run away only to be pushed down by his mother)
(Anthony also laughs at Ian while Rachel and Ian's mom high five each other)
Ian: (cries) Why mom?
Back in the present
Anthony: Best first day of school ever.
Ian: I hate you SO MUCH!
Ian (in the YouTube video): Meow.
Ian (in the actual video): Oh look, the video loaded.
Ian: (in the YouTube video): I'm a kitty. Meow. (licks his hand and scratches his fake ear) Meow. Give me some yarn; I wanna play. Meow. I'm a kitty. (licks his arm) Meow! Meow!
Anthony: Wow, that was creepy.
Ian (in the actual video): Shut up, I worked really hard on this! (runs away while crying) You suck! (opens the door and gets out of the house)