(Camera on a group of teens playing Hacky sack outside, it pans to a plant which George Zazz is hiding behind. He looks at the camera and speaks with an Australian accent.)

George Zazz : The common teenager, an odd sub-species of homo sapiens. After I was fired from my job at the petting zoo, I've devoted my entire life to studying these puzzling creatures.

(Cutting to a flashback, Zazz is asleep on a couch while his "offspring" steals his wallet)

George Zazz (V.O.): These parasites steal our resources, (a group of teens are playing football in the house, knocking a glass over) they destroy our natural wild-lands, and they consume all of our precious food.

(Teens heat Hot Pockets Snackers and consume them wildly)

George Zazz (V.O.): These are Teens in the Wild

(Cut to title card: Teens in the Wild with George Zazz: Wilderness Expert.)

Observation & Experimenting

(In the house the teens are watching a football game while Zazz hides behind a plant.)

George Zazz: That specific teenager (camera cuts to Jacob) is my offspring, (cuts back to Zazz) and I will use him and his pack to further understand how teenagers behave.

(Jacob notices Zazz)

Jacob: Dad? What're you doing?!

(Zazz decides to bail, he crawls from his hiding spot)

George Zazz: Crikey, guys! We've been spotted! C'mon! If we don't get outta here soon enough, we'll be goners for sure!

(Jacob and his friend share a questioning look. Cut to: Teens in the Wild with George Zazz: Wilderness Expert)

(The "pack" is now playing video games, Zazz peeks out from a plant)

George Zazz: I need to catch one alive in order to study its behavior

(Jacob notices Zazz again)

Jacob: For the last time, Dad, Mom says you can't be here anymore!

(George Zazz takes out a Hot Pockets Snackers)

George Zazz: I've set up a trap full of these Hot Pockets Snackers in order to catch one alive.

(George rolls inside his trap)

George Zazz: I've discovered that most teenagers are attracted to microwavable foods like this that take only minutes to cook.

(Teen smells the Hot Pockets)

Teen: Wait. Y'all smell dat? (cuts to Hot Pockets, he smells again, camera cuts to him) Aw, Snap! It smells like a restauraunt up in dis crib!

(Cut to: Teens in the Wild with George Zazz: Wilderness Expert)

(Teen eats Hot Pockets ravenously, George closes door on trap)

Teen: Aw, heck naw!

(Cut to George Zazz)

George Zazz: It appears that I have captured a subspecies of teenager known as the High School Dropout. This teenager is characterized by its low I.Q. and limited understanding of the English language and grammar. Let's see how it reacts to smooth jazz.

(Zazz takes out a boombox and plays jazz)

Teen: Yo, what that noise be?

(Cut to Zazz dancing)

Teen: Ah! Make it stop!

(Zazz humps the wall)

Teen: AGH! Ah Gad!

(Cut to: Teens in the Wild with Geroge Zazz: Professional Jazz Dancer)

(Zazz has captured Jacob in the garage)

George Zazz: I've got a new specimen, and I'm especially excited because this one is my own offspring. I named him Bryce.

Jacob: Dad, my name's Jacob. And stop using that crappy accent.

George Zazz: I'm now going to subject Bryce to something that is very feared in the teenage community: homework.

Jacob: What!?! No!

George Zazz: Now I'm gonna try to lure him closer with some Hot Pockets Snackers. (Normal Voice) Hey buddy! Yeah, you want some of these? (Australian accent) Alright, now how about some GEOMETRY HOMEWORK?

(Zazz dumps geometry worksheets on Jacob)

Jacob: AHG! NOOO!

George Zazz: As you can see Teen are extremely agitated by Math homework a-

Bonus Scene #1

Deleted Clip

Bonus Scene #2


(The door bursts open, revealing his Ex-Wife)

Ex-Wife: Ah, c'mon George, this again?! This is why I left you in the first place!

(George backs away)

George Zazz: Aw, Crikey, guys! This is very bad! These kinds of subspecies of homo sapiens will take half of everything you own and make your life a living hell!

(Zazz has escaped to the front lawn)

George Zazz: It's possible that she's already called the cops. So I'll need to lay low for a couple weeks.

Cop: Stop right there, George! (George sighs) You know what to do.

(George puts the handcuffs on)

George Zazz: Yeah, yeah, yeah. (Zazz is led away by the cop) Alright, well join me next week when I encounter the caged inmate species and find out what happens when I drop a bar of soap.

Cop: C'mon.

(Cut to: Cellmates in the Shower with George Zazz: Shower Floor Inspector)


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