In the house
(Ian was throwing a Luigi doll while Anthony eats canned peas)
Naomi (on the front yard of the house): We're reporting live on how an emo-hair loser and bowl-hair reject managed to get so many views on their stupid videos right in this house.
(the first zombie eats Naomi causing her to scream and the second zombie broke the camera causing an interruption)
Anthony: Man, I wanted to make fun of those stupid-haired losers!
(the door bell rings causing Ian and Anthony to get it)
Anthony: No we don't want anymore Boy Scout crackers; okay? (opens the door to see zombies and the reporter that is a zombie)
(Ian and Anthony gets scared and Anthony closes the door)
Ian: Great Zeus's butthole, what do we do man?!
Anthony: Uhuhuhuh. Oh! (gets the book) Alrighty um, chapter one on how to survive a zombie apocalypse...
Ian: Uh! T L D R dude, I'm bored. Where-where's the pictures? Get to the pictures.
Anthony: Uhuhuhuh, (talks with depression) there are none!
Ian: What, (takes the book) a book without pictures?! What kind of freaking book (throws the book down the ground) it that?!
(Naomi knocks at the window while roaring)
Anthony: Uh yeah, give us a second! God! Some people have no freaking patience.
Ian: Okay, so we just need to think. What did they do in The Walking Dead?
Anthony: Uh, let's see. They sat around a bar for an entire season searching for a completely random, useless character.
Ian: Oh my god that was so annoying; right? Dude if I hear, "Sophia, Sophia!" one more time, (pulls out a pistol) I'm gonna use this on myself.
Anthony: What the hell man, you had this gun the whole time?!
Ian: Oh yeah, I took this from uh, Stevie's zombie survival kit. (puts his hand on his side) He's probably totally dead now.
On the driveway outside of the house
Stevie: (backs away from to the garage door) It's okay, it's okay, I got my gun right in my trusty zombie survival kit. (opens the kit to find a letter from Ian) Ah crap! (gets surrounded by the zombies) AHAHAHAH!
Back in the house
Anthony: Give me that. (takes the gun and opens the door) Hey zombies, don't lose your, head. (tries to shoot 11 shots at the zombies but miss)
(the zombies growl having Anthony scared and close the door)
Ian: Dude, you didn't hit a single one!
Anthony: It's a lot harder than they make it look in The Walking Dead.
Ian: Give me that. (takes the gun) I think it's time we got,
(Anthony opens the door while Ian loads a magazine in the gun)
Ian: ahead of this problem. (tries to shoot 12 shots at the zombies but still miss)
Anthony: Dude, you didn't hit any of them either.
Ian: No, no no! Look, I got that guy's pointer finger.
(the second zombie checked his pointer finger)
Anthony: (closes the door) Yeah, but you didn't kill any of them.
Ian: Okay, I think you're missing (shows his pointer finger) the point.
(Ian and Anthony started laughing)
Anthony: (caused Ian and him to stop laughing) No no no.
(the zombies were knocking at the door)
Anthony: Oh, dude, we can just, use the car. Duhuh! (starts walking towards the garage)
Ian: Oh. (goes with Anthony)
By the laundry room
(Ian and Anthony goes the laundry room door to the garage, but found two zombies in there causing them to be scared and close the door)
Ian: Dude, were they doing their laundry in there?
Anthony: Hey, you better be not using my fabric softeners; I only have like five left you stupid zombies! Do you have any ideas of your own.
By the front door
(Ian sets up a treadmill)
Anthony: Okay man, this is officially the stupidest idea you've ever had.
(the zombie walks on the treadmill)
Ian: Oh really, stupidest idea? More like, the best freaking idea that's ever been invented by human kind.
Anthony: Ah, yeah!
Ian and Anthony: (high five each other) Yeah! Suck it!
(Anthony started laughing as another zombie tries to go around the treadmill)
Ian: Wait! Dude, one's getting through!
Anthony: They're, learning.
Ian: Quick, get another treadmill!
Anthony: Oh okay, yeah, sure! Let me just go down the basement and uh get one of my emergency treadmills.
Ian: You have that?!
Anthony: F**K NO, WE DON'T EVEN HAVE A BASEMENT IDIOT!
(Ian and Anthony gets scared and ran away from the zombies)
In the living room
Anthony: (whines) What are we gonna do man?! I've got everything I can think of!
Ian: Get a hold of yourself! (slaps Anthony) Maybe we're just misunderstanding the zombies. I mean yeah, their main goal is to eat our brains; but at least they have dreams they're working to achieve, unlike me and my dream of touching Jessica Alba's left boob.
Anthony: Why are you acting so weird?
Ian: What do you mean? I'm being a completely normal human being.
Anthony: (gasps and talks to himself after turning his body) Human being, that word kinda sounds like "bean", (turns his body) and beans are legumes. (turns his body) Legumes have "leg" in it. (turns his body) Ian's mom has really nice legs; (turns his body) and Ian's mom is so old, she's practically dead (turns his body) which can only mean one thing. (turns his body) Oh my Bieber! (turns his body and talks out loud) You're becoming a zombie!
Ian: Ugh, and I would've gotten away with it too if it weren't for you meddling kids!
Anthony: Wh-what, what kids? There's, (looks from side-to-side) there's no kids here.
Ian: I don't know, I just thought that's just what they always said.
Anthony: Wait, when did you become infected?
Ian: Well, do you remember that one time wwwwway way way way back when five minutes ago?
Five minutes ago
(while Anthony was crying, Ian bit on one of the zombies' arm)
Back in the present
Ian: (poses like he's making an evil scheme and then spreads out his arms) What? I got hungry.
Anthony: Sorry man, but uh, (pulls out a shotgun) ah, (aims the shotgun at Ian) looks like I'm gonna have to old yeller your ass.
Ian: Wait, you've had that the whole time?!
Anthony: Yeah what, I stole it from Stevie's backup zombie survival kit.
On the driveway outside of the house
Stevie: (tries to crawl away from the zombies) Ah, good thing I brought (reaches for the kit) my backup zombie survival kit. Ha ha ha ha. (opens it only to find a letter from Anthony) Seriously?! AHAHAHAHAHAH!
(the zombies crawl over Stevie)
Back in the living room
Anthony: Sorry man.
Ian: W-wait-wait! Think about this, we can be best friends forever.
Anthony: What the hell are you talking about? Ohohohohohohoh!
(the narrator sings as Ian and Anthony eat a girl and a hunter; dance together with other zombies; and high-five with Stevie in between them)
narrator: We are the best undead friends. (undead friends)
Since we'll never die,
Our friendship will never end. (never end, never end)
Now that we're zombies,
We are the coolest guys.
We're the best of friends
And friendship never dies. (surrounds a rainbow overIan, Stevie, and Anthony which then breaks)
Ian and Anthony: Ah!
Anthony: F**k off Stevie! You're ruining our epic high-five.
Ian: Yeah! (pushes Stevie towards the corner)
(Ian and Anthony jump together as the narrator sings)
narrator: And friendship never dies. (surrounds a rainbow over Ian and Anthony)
Ian: Dude, I think you're missing (shows his pointer finger) the point.
(Ian and Anthony kept on laughing at the joke)
Anthony: Yeah, your point. That's such a good joke, (causes Ian and him to stop laughing) not!