(Anthony narrates for the entire episode)
In Ian's house
Anthony: Are you bored with your normal life and want to go on a fabulous vacation?
Ian: Yeah, but I don't have any money and I really gotta finish these nuts.
Anthony: Come with me and I'll take you on a trip to the exciting world of Minecraft.
Ian: Wait, no! I don't wanna... (gets teleported out of the house)
Ian: (gets teleported and searches for a hotel) Where's the hotel?
Anthony: It's in your imagination. You just have to mine resources and build it yourself.
Ian: It sounds like a lot of work. How's this even a vacation?
Anthony: (teleports a pickaxe to Ian) Better get to that mining.
Ian: (made his cabin) Uh, so I made my house thing.
Anthony: Let's take a look inside.
Inside the cabin
Ian: So this is the place. So, it's kind of bare though. Can I get a bed or something?
Anthony: Sure. You just need to chop down a tree and kill three sheep, then break the wood into planks and lay the sheep carcasses over it. It's super easy and fun!
Ian: Okay okay, all this stuff is really complicated. You have like uh, a book with crafting instructions.
Anthony: Sure. (teleports a big book)
Ian: Oh wow, it's a pretty big book.
Anthony: Indeed, but that's just a book on crafting with wood. Here's everything.
(Anthony drops the rest of the books on Ian)
Ian: (Holding his head) Ok, how do I get around this stupid Minecraft place? Can i make a car or something?
Anthony: Even better. Just make a minecart.
Ian: (Sitting in minecart) How do I make it go?
Anthony: It's simple. Just lay down some railway.
(Railway is now on the ground, but minecart is still not moving)
Ian: It's still not moving!
Anthony: Well duh. You have to make a powered rail with redstone and gold, silly.
Ian: (getting angry) F**k it, I'll just walk!
(Ian is standing in his house when another player named ballsackmcgee (Anthony) comes in)
Ian: Uh hi. What's your name? Hey!
(ballsackmcgee does not respond and just runs around and looks at everything)
Ian: Why is this guy just running around, looking at all my stuff, and not talking to me?
Anthony: People can't talk to each other here. You'll have to type everything to them if you wanna communicate.
(A laptop appears in Ian's hands)
Ian: (While talking, ballsackmcgee types insulting and misspelled things) Wow. You would've thought with the millions upon millions of dollars this place would bring in they would actually allow you to communicate easily with people.
Anthony: Ha ha. Yeah.
Back outside, where it's about to become night
Anthony: And don't ask what happens at night.
Ian: (Stops scratching and pulls his shirt down) What happens at night?
Anthony: Uh, no-nothing. Just look at that beautiful sunset.
Ian: (Turns around and notices the sunset) Oh yeah, there's the sunset.
(As it turns night, Ian turns to see zombies coming for him. He screams and runs.)
Ian: Can i get a gun or something?
Anthony: No guns in Minecraft, but you can use pretty much anything as a weapon such as a bundle of string.
(String appears in Ian's hands)
Ian: (Throws string on the ground) Screw this! I'm just gonna dig a hole and wait till the sun rises. (Starts digging.)
Anthony: Just like every noob on their first night. F**king pussy.
Ian: (Laying in the hole) F**k you!
(Ian jumps out and groans)
Anthony: And everyday, when the sun comes up, you get a cool fire show!
Ian: What's that smell?
Anthony: The rotting flesh of burning zombies!
Zombie: IT BURNS! (screaming)
Ian: Uh... isn't itr vampires taht burn it sunlight?
Anthony: Uh, what? uh.... (speaking distantly) Hey, is it vampires that burn in light or zombies? (angrily) What?! GOD DAMMIT! How did we (bleep)? Someone's getting fired for that! (overly chipper) Uh, anyway, time to get back to work if you want to survive another night!
Ian: Oh, snikey! (groaning)
(A mansion is behind Ian)
Ian: Check out what I got now! I got a mansion, Igot a shrine to the endermans so those bitches don't steal my blocks anymore. Over there is my second house and right next to it is this 1/16th scale replica of that second house. And the penis fountain that shoots water and the penis fountain that shoots lava! And that's about it!
Anthony: Nice work, buddy!
Ian: Thanks. You know what? I think I'm really starting to like it here. (Suddenly a creeper goes towards him.) FUUUUU-! (the creeper explodes, killing Ian. Ian then respawns.) What? I lost everything in my inventory! I spent forever gathering that stuff! (groans) Whatever, at least I still have my mansion.
(ballsackmcgee is about to explode Ian's mansion by a lot of TNTs.)
Anthony: Uh, well, we hope rest of you will enjoy your stay in the amazing land of Minecraft!