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REAL VOODOO DOLL!/Script

< REAL VOODOO DOLL!

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(Video starts with Ian trying trying to tie his pink tie but from afar, Anthony is heard)

Anthony: Ahh! Stupid! AHAH!

(Ian checks on Anthony. In the living room, Anthony plays in world 4-1 of Super Mario Bros. and hits the Spiny Egg in standard form)

Anthony: AHHHHH!

Ian: Can you shut the hell up? I'm trying to get ready for my job interview.

Anthony: This stupid turtle on a cloud keeps killing me! It's not even possible to sit on a cloud! (as Mario gets hit by a Spiny Egg) God, this game's stupid!

Ian: Come on man, it's not that hard.

(Anthony gets a game over after dying three times from Spinies)

Ian: Wow, you do suck at this game.

Anthony: GOD! (leaves the room)

Ian: Come on man, it was just a joke! (sits down on the couch) Geez! (plays Super Mario Bros.)

[outside of the house]

Ian: (in Anthony's thoughts) You can't even get past the turtle on a cloud? Ha! You suck at everything!

Anthony: Shut up, Ian! (his thinking cloud disappears) I swear on my eternal love for Princess Peach, I'll make you pay for what you've done!

(A voodoo doll of Ian falls from the sky next to Anthony)

Anthony: Woah! (picks up the doll and notices the resemblance) Ian? (pulls the doll's right shoulder up to its head)

[inside the house]

Ian: (punches himself) BALLS! (accidentally kills Mario)

[outside the house]

(Anthony keeps pulling the doll's right shoulder up to its head)

[inside the house]

Ian: (keeps punching himself) BALLS! BALLS! BALLS!

(Anthony still keeps pulling the doll's right shoulder up to its head)

Ian: (still keeps punching himself) BALLS! BALLS! BALLS!

(Anthony shrugs and then goes back inside to check on Ian. When coming in, he sees Ian pained)

Anthony: You okay man?

Ian: Yeah, I just had some kind of weird muscle spasm and punch myself in the head a bunch of times. (Anthony gets wide-eyed and jaw-dropped by getting the idea of what's happened) Anyway, (gets up) I gotta go to my job interview.

(Behind him, Anthony punches the doll)

Ian: (gets back down) BALLS! 

Anthony: "Balls"?

Ian: Nothing, I just scream "balls" whenever I feel pain.

Anthony: Good to know. Good luck with your interview. (gives a small laugh)

[At the interview]

(The employer checks Ian's papers)

Employer: Ian. I've gotta say, out of all the people I interviewed for this job, there's something about you I really like! Why don't you tell me a little bit why you like to be a substitute teacher?

Ian: Well, I really really love-

(Anthony hits the voodoo doll at home with a hammer)

Ian: BALLS! (Looks around the room)

(Anthony laughs evilly)

Ian: Sorry, wha-what I really meant to say is that I really, really, love working with kids-

(Anthony hits the voodoo doll at home with a screwdriver)

Ian: BALLS!

Employer: Excuse me?

(Anthony laughs evilly)

Ian: Ah, no nothing. I-I think I just have something wrong with my----

(Anthony stabs the voodoo doll at home with a pair of scissors)

Ian: BAAAAAALLSS!

Employer: You know, maybe we can take this up a different time. Why won't you-plan on coming back?

Ian: BALLS! Oh, oh BALLS! (stands up and shakes around like what Anthony does to the voodoo doll)

Anthony: Ohohohohoh.

Ian: Woaoaoaoah! BALLS!

Anthony: (stabs the voodoo doll with a knife) Hahahaha!

Ian: BALLS! BALLS! (knocks over the principal's books) Ohohohohoh!

Anthony: (slides the voodoo doll over on its back) Hahaha, hahaha!

Ian: (slides on the principal's desk on his back) Oh my God, I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! Oh balls, oh crap!

[back in the house]

Anthony: (feels bored) This is boring! (throws the voodoo doll down to the table and goes outside to talk to the sky) Hey, do you think I could get a voodoo doll of myself?

(the voodoo doll of Anthony is dropped to Anthony)

Anthony: (picks up the doll and nods) Sweeeeeet!

[later on, Ian comes back]

Ian: Dude, I got the job! (takes his tie off) He said he really loved my energy.

Anthony: (caresses the voodoo doll of himself in his room and talks softly) Ooh, yeah you know I'm looking good. Oh.

Ian: (enters the room) Hey Anthony, I just wanted if you---- (gasps at Anthony and the doll) Why are you playing with that little kid's doll?!

Anthony: It's not a little kid's doll; (puts down his doll as he grabs Ian's voodoo doll to cover its eyes with his fingers) it's a voodoo doll!

Ian: (his eyes are closed) Oh, my god! Anthony, I can't see! ---Wait, did you say something about a voodoo doll?

Anthony: (shortly pauses but then moves his fingers away from the doll's eyes) Yeah.

Ian: (eyes are open) Then, that means . . . (gets disgusted) ah, dude! Were you fondling yourself through your own voodoo doll?

Anthony: I was just curious; it feels like someone else is doing it you know, (shrugs) like that one time you said you sat on your hand for a really long time and then you t---

Ian: (cuts off and raises hands) Okay! Y-Y-You know we don't need to talk about that right now.

(they both didn't talk for a few seconds)

Anthony: So, (looks left to right) is it gay if I fondle myself through my own voodoo doll?

Ian: Yeah. (Anthony looks disappointed) So uh, these things actually work? (touches the voodoo doll of himself's eye while also poking his own eye) BALLS! ---Wait. (He pauses but then grabs Anthony's voodoo doll and punches its face)

Anthony: Ow! (puts his hand on his face while in pain) God dude, what was that for?!

Ian: (points at Anthony) You were trying to sabotage my job interview!

(Anthony grabs and punches Ian's voodoo doll)

Ian: (punches himself) BALLS! (punches Anthony's voodoo doll's head)

Anthony: (punches his head) BALL! (puts his hands around Ian's voodoo doll's neck)

Ian: (suffocates himself) BAAALLLS! (uppercuts Anthony's voodoo doll)

Anthony: (bends backwards) BALL! (bends Ian's voodoo doll's right shoulder behind it)

Ian: (moves his right shoulder behind him) BALLS!

Anthony: (does a painful pose) BALL!

Ian: (shakes himself) BALLS! (chops Anthony's voodoo doll's neck)

Anthony: (chops Ian's voodoo doll in between the legs) BALL!

Ian: (jumps rapidly) BALLS! BALLS! BALLS! BALLS! (moves the right limb of Anthony's voodoo doll)

Anthony: (bends down) BALLS! (tickles Ian's voodoo doll)

Ian: BALLS! (bites on Anthony's voodoo doll)

(Anthony punches Ian's voodoo doll)

Ian: (feels the pain) BALLS! (pinches Anthony's voodoo doll's right arm)

Anthony: Ah! (grabs a knife)

(Ian grabs a gun)

(They both aim the weapons near the other's doll)

Ian: I don't wanna have to kill you!

Anthony: Me neither.

Ian and Anthony: (both whimper but then relaxes and put their weapons down) Gahh!

Ian: (shakes head) We should just get rid of these things.

Anthony: (looks at Ian with an "idea face") What if we tried trading these with a voodoo doll of someone else?

Ian: Okay, who the hell gave you these?

[back outside]

Anthony: (points at the sky) Him. (Ian stares jaw-dropped as they're both looking at a Latiku from the Super Mario Bros. game)

Ian: Woaoaoaoah! Hey, turtle-cloud guy, can I trade this for a voodoo doll of Ke$ha? Oh, come on, please? Give me one! Please, please!

(the Latiku throws a Spiny Egg at Ian)

Ian: WAHAHAHAHAHAH! BBAALLLSSSS! (dies)

Title card: GAME OVER

[end of the video]

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