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Pokemon Diamond and Pearl

Pokémon Diamond and Pearl is the sixty-seventh Honest Trailer.

Script

"From the studio that's pretty much a toy company by now (Nintendo) comes the fourth generation of the alchemecal wonder that turns children's dreams into cold-hard cash: Pokémon Diamond and Pearl and Platnium.

Journey once more to the magical world of Pokémon and prepare yourself to face yet another painfully slow tutorial segment teaching you mechanics that haven't changed in a decade: young child, bad parents, tree-named professor (Rowan), evil team (Team Galatic), Elite Four, blah blah-blah-blah blah.

Get ready for a Pokémon experience that's deeper than anything that came before it, featuring the return of the day-night cycle; Pokémon that can only be caught on certain days, because your life revolves around the game already; the eye watch; a muffin-baking meta-game; contests that are three times longer, f**k; and the inevitable conclusion of the Pokémon franchise, auctioning Pokémon on the Internet. They're really going over with all this slavery thing, huh?

Sit back, relax, and enjoy the gameplay formula that basically hasn't changed since the original Gameboy game as you collect them all and form a diverse team of battlers, or just enroll every single fight with your starter because this game is for children.

So settle in for the same story line and characters from every Pokémon game there is, including the professors, the rival, the evil gang, the gym leaders, and most importantly one hundred and seven new Pokémon that makes one thing perfectly clear: Game Freak has run out of ideas. But you bet your sweet ass that we're going to name 'em all. Ffffff.

Starring:

Turdwig (Turtwig)

Ch-Ch-Ch (Grotle)

Chia (Torterra)

Charpanzee (Chimchar)

Orangoflame (Monferno)

This ape is on fireeee (Infernape)

Twitter (Piplup)

Crappy Feet (Prinplup)

Empoleaon Dynomite

The Goodfeathers (Starly/Staravia/Staraptor)

Lumpy Space Beaver (Bidoof)

Justin Beaver (Bibarel)

Jimminy Cricketot (Kricketot)

Sir Cricks a lot (Kricketune)

Shinx For Nothin'

Suxio (Luxio)

Gives no f**ray (Luxray)

Dank Budew

This hand is a flower (Roserade)

A little horny (Cranidos)

A lot horny (Rampardos)

Dr. Shieldon Cooper

Castle Face (Bastiodon)

Weekend at Burmy's

Weekend at Burmy's 2 (Wormadam)

The Mothim Prophecy

Bee Movie (Combee)

Bee-once (Vespiquen)

Parcheesi (Pachirisu)

Sting like a Buizel

Floatzel like a butterfly

Cherubi on top

Pop your Cherrim

Snail Trails (Shellos)

I need about three fitty (Gastrodon)

Handjob Monkey (Ambipom)

Pixar's Up (Drifloon)

Mile High Club (Drifblim)

Cauliflower Ear (Buneary)

Ear Fists (Lopunny)

Black Mage (Mismagius)

Hail Honchcrow

Glameowth

Resting Bitch Face (Purugly)

Chingy (Chingling)

Do the Stunky Leg

Emo-ver (Skuntank)

Pog Slammer (Bronzor)

Rosie the Robot (Bronzong)

Trees Nuts (Bonsly)

Future Pedophile (Mime Jr.)

Girl Kirby (Happiny)

Toucan Jam (Chatot)

Ghost Barf (Spiritomb)

Street Shark (Gible)

Shraptor (Gabite)

Sharkadactyl (Garchomp)

My Neighbor Munchlax

Watch me whip (Riolu)

Watch me nae nae (Lucario)

Glory Holes (Hippopotas)

Hungry Hungry Hippowdon

Get over here! (Skorupi)

Come at me, bro (Drapion)

High as F**k (Croagunk)

The Goiter (Toxicroak)

Feeeeeed Me Seymour (Carnivine)

Finneon's Wake

Future Sushi (Lumineon)

Dick Mantyke

Four Leaf Snover

President Abomasnow

Evil ka-weavil (Weavile)

Don't let me get in my Magnezone

Lickylicky 5 dollah

Rocksteady (Rhyperior)

Cousin It (Tangrowth)

Needs Manscaping (Electivire)

Dodge This (Magmortar)

Never Been Togekissed

Probably Australian (Yanmega)

Leafeon a jet plane

She bangs (Glaceon)

Crabby Batty (Gliscor)

Kevin Smith (Mamoswine)

Balloon Animal (Porygon Z)

Sword Arm Online (Gallade)

Mr. Pubetato Head (Probopass)

The ghost of Dr. Robotnik (Duskinor)

Memoirs of a Ghost-ia (Froslass)

Poképliances (Rotom)

Mew 3 (Uxie)

Mew 4 (Mespirit)

Mew 5 (Azelf)

Horse Armor DLC (Dialga)

Gayzilla (Palkia)

Armored Poo (Heatran)

Party Machine (Regigigas)

Flying Armored Centi... (Giratina) Pass

Cosmic Duck (Cresselia)

Phioned In

Blue Balls (Manaphy)

Sh*tygami (Darkrai)

A Shrubbery (Shaymin)

and...

My Kinky Pony (Arceus).

Monster Rancher: White & Off-White.

(silhouette of Raichu appears)
Ash, Misty, & Brock: Who's that, Pokémon?!
Woah, it's Pikachu, isn't it? I bet it's Pikachu. Come on, Pikachu.
Ash, Misty, & Brock: It's Raichu!
(silhouette shows its colors)
F**k me every time!"

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