Isn't this guy ugly? (points to Ian) His pores are disgusting and he's got a little stubby neck (the pop-ups show why Ian is ugly). All the signs of being an ugly, worthless human being (more pop-ups appear). This-- (laughs) this is how a human should look (points out magazine covers that was designed in Photoshop).
No imperfections at all; and a body only video game characters can achieve. And how did they achieve this look? With photoshop of course. The only problem is you can't bring these photoshop wonders into real life. OR CAN YOU? (The camera aims closer to him while he shows the tip of his pointer finger)
I'm Rich Muscles and I'm gonna make you into the cover model of your dreams. Ever since I was a little tyke, I was obsessed with fashion magazines and soon became frustrated that no one actually looks like the people on the pages.
So I did what any sane person would do. I opened my own unlicensed plastic surgery clinic that specializes in my own ground-breaking technique.
PHOTOSHOP PLASTIC SURGERY!
Who needs a medical degree when you could just spend a couple hours researching it on Wikipedia (actually stares at the website). And now I'm able to use that knowledge to preform some of the most popular proceeders that you see done to people in photoshop. Check out these masterpieces!
(Ian has a smaller nose)
Woah! This is awesome!
Rich: Get that anime look with some big-ass eyes.
(Mari has bigger eyes)
Mari: 私はのような美少女戦士セーラームーン ！ します。(I look like Sailor Moon!)
Rich: We'll even get rid of these ugly pores. Holes in your face are gross!
(A woman lost her pores)
Woman: I can't feel my face.
Rich: Super skinny waist.
(Teenage Girl has skinny waist)
Teenage Girl: Awesome, but I think my liver's bleeding.
Rich: Super long neck.
(Construction worker's neck grew)
Worker: I look like a giraffe! (The neck gets wobbly) Woah, woah, woah woah woah!
Rich: Super long d***.
(Asian's penis grew larger)
Asian: What's up ladies?
Rich: And I know you're asking yourself, "How could possibly do it so cheap?" Well my friend, it's as easy as A, B, C. That's acid, blowtorch, and chainsaw. (Shows the curtain to preform plastic surgery bleeding someone)
But, you don't gotta take my word for it. Just listen to my happy customers.
Herman: Not only do I look good, but now I can also shop in the kids section. (licks his lips)
Richard: I used to have a massive nose and small eyes and no one want to be my friend. But with my new perfect look, everybody loves me.
(People are running away from Richard)
Richard: Aw come on! I just wanted a hug!
Rich: PHOTOSHOP PLASTIC SURGERY! And to prove I stand by my servants, I'm gonna have myself transformed into the most beautiful, sexiest person in the world that would even put shame to the photoshopped models.
Drill me. (Gets plastic surgery on himself which gave him a bigger left arm, smaller waist, and only wearing underwear) Finally, I'm officially the hottest person alive.
Photoshop Plastic surgery, conveniently located in the basement of Mr. Wang's Happy Ending Massage Parlor. Tell him "Rich sent you." and we'll swap your belly button and your anus for free.
(Moves his eyebrows and shows his shiny tooth)
Rich: And for only twelve ninety-five more, I can put your head on any body you want. You can have the J-Woww.
(Ian's body looks like J-Woww's body)
Rich: The Olsen twin.
(Ian's body looks like Mary Kate Olsen's body)
Rich: Or my favorite, The Hulk...
(Ian looks almost like the Hulk and makes sort of an angry noise)
Rich: with J-Woww's jugs.
(The Hulk edition got added with J-Woww's boobs)
Ian: F**K YEAH!