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Introduction

(The President enters his house, turns the light on, and finds Ian and Anthony sitting on his couch, Anthony wearing Pokémon pajamas)

President: YAH! Who the f**k are you?! (looks at Anthony) And why are you wearing my pjamas?

Ian: Hello sir. You may be asking yourself, ah, who we are.

President: Yeah I just di-

Ian: Being that you are the president of Pokémon America, we would love the chance to... regale you with some of our ideas for the Pokémon franchise.

President: That's it, I'm calling the cops.

(The President starts to get up, but Anthony pushes him down)

Anthony: You can't! You see, I, ah, (Anthony pulls a bottle of white liquid out of his pocket) went in your bathroom and found a little super-glue and put it on your seat.

President: That's not super glue.

(Anthony looks at the label that says, "SPERM SAMPLE" while being disgusted, and he tosses it which breaks it)

Ian: Ah, anyway, uh, we just feel that Pokémon has become a bit stale and old, and thought that, maybe if you did some crossovers with some other popular things, we could make Pokémon fresh and relevant again.

President: I don't need your ideas.

Anthony: Too bad!

(Title card: Pokémon Crossovers)

Deleted Scene

Anthony: Turn it old man, we're here to save your stupid ass and the company you run.

President: I'm not that old.

Anthony: You're like thirty; you're practically dead.

Call of Pokémon Modern Warfare

Anthony: First of all, Pokémon Battles are too boring, they need to be more realistic.


At the title card

narrator: Let's do this.


In a deserted area

(Ash and Hipster are behind cover, Hipster starts to get up) 

Hipster: Wish me luck!

(Ash pulls him back)

Ash: Wait! There's some a**hole camping Pokémon out there sniping everyone!

Hipster: Relax, dude, I got a riot shield. (stands up) Hey, try to shoot me now! Oh what's that, you can't shoot me 'cause I got a riot-? (gets shot) AUGH! OH! OH MY GOD, I'M DYING! WHY AM I DYING, I GOT SHOT IN THE FOOT! THIS GAME IS SO UNREALISTIC. (dies)

Ash: Who's ever shooting out there is the deadliest damn Pokémon on the planet. (gets shot and dies)

Magikarp: Karp! Karp, karp!


Back in the house

Anthony: And the best part is we already have six sequels planned.

President: Who the hell's gonna buy six sequels of a stupid shooting game.

(Ian and Anthony raise their hands)

President: Well it's a no; it's too violent.

Ian: Okay. So not a fan of violence; that's cool. Um, how about romance?

Days of Our Pokémon

narrator: We now return to Days of Our Pokémon.


In a suburban house

Ash: So wait, you're telling me I'm not the father?

Misty: Sorry, but no. It is another.

Ash: Dammit Misty, I've saved you from Team Rocket a, dozen times. The least you could do is tell me who the father is.

Misty: I'm sorry, I can't!

Ash: Dammit Misty! (walks away while crying)

Misty: We're safe now; he's gone.

Magikarp: (appeared from Misty's bed) Karp, karp!


In the President's house

President: Nah!

Anthony: Don't worry we have an even more romantic idea.

Game of Pokémon

In a kingdom of Westeros

Daenerys: Sleep with me and give me dragon babies.

Charizard: (refuses) Uh uh!

Daenerys: (puts her sword on Charizard's neck) Do it or I'll cut your f**cking head off!

(Charizard puts his hand in Daenerys' vagina, crying)

Daenerys: Yes! Dragon babies!


In the house

Ian: Augh. Guys, nobody watches Game of Thrones just for the sex and dragons.

Anthony & President: Yeah they do.

Ian: Okay so let's just think of something that's more family friendly.

Pokécraft

In Minecraft

Ash: (uses a pickaxe to destroy a brick wall and stops) This is fu**ing boring.


In the house

President: Pokémon's first and foremost for kids. What else do kids like these days?

Ian: Alright fine. (eats a banana) How about this one?

My Little Pokémon

narrator: (sings) My little Poké!
My little Poké!


In Ponyville

(Charizard throws a Pokéball at Jigglypuff)

Pikachu: (enters) Hi friends!

Charizard: Hi Pikachu! Isn't today great?

Pikachu: Yeah; but if this' supposed to be a kids show, then why do all of our fans look like that?

(A brony watches the show while eating ice cream)


In the house

Anthony: No! No brony crap; okay?

(The president hides his Pinkie Pie shirt)

Anthony: I think the next logical step is to take Pokémon into the reality realm.

Here Comes Poké Boo Boo

In Mclntyre, Georgia

Alana: Mama, where's my Go-Go Juice? I has to have it. (subtitles: Dearest Mother, might inquire of the location of my Go-Go Juice? I fancy such a potable delight)

June (Snorlax): Okay honey. I get that for you. (Such a fondness shall be enjoyed. I will be forthright in its retrieval) (tries to use the move "Get Up", but is ineffective making her too f**king fat)


In the house

President: Noooo! That-That's not gonna work! Snorlax's not nearly fat enough to play Honey Boo Boo's mom.

Anthony: Fine, then how about this?

Poké Shore

Ash: Who wants to get wasted on Hyper Potions and snort Rare Candy up Misty's buttcrack?

(Everybody cheered and partied and then Ash gets arrested)

narrator: Rare Candy, not even once!

Ending

President: I have to say, these are some of the best Pokémon ideas I've ever heard. I think I'm gonna hire you two.

Anthony: Really?!

President: F**k no! (stands up) These are without a doubt the absolute worst ideas I've ever heard. I'm quite certain now I'm brain damaged listening to these half-baked ideas from a pair of you two vapid d**ks! Now get the f**k out of my house! I've got a Poké Flute and I know how to use it!

Ian: (stands up) Okay please sir, we just wanted to help you. (gets hit) Ah Oo, funny-bone funny-bone. Anthony, do something.

Anthony: Uhuhuh. Magikarp, do something!

Magikarp: Karp karp! (shoots the president)

Ian: Oh my god dude, I just think we killed him.

Anthony: Uh uh no, he just fainted. (A Pokemon game styled box shows up, in which is written "POKEMON PRESIDENT has FAINTED")

Ian: He has a three-inch hole in his head.

Anthony: Okay, we should probably get the f**k out of here.

Ian: Yeah. (steals the President's stuff with Anthony and starts to leave, but whispers) Sorry! (leaves)

Magikarp: Karp! (The music of "Psycho" is heard, with the screen ending with Magikarp with a psychotic grin)

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