(Ian starts to fly a kite)
Ian: (sings) Kite day, kite day, it's a freakin kite day. (opens the door and gets outside)
Blue kite, blu-blu-blu-blue ki... (sees his grandpa) What the hell is this?
Ian's mom: Your grandpa's dying and I don't want to take care of him anymore.
Ian: Come on mom, I don't want his old, this smelly ass in my house!
Ian's mom: Take him! (Gives Ian his grandfather)
Ian: You take him! (Gives his mother his grandfather)
Ian's mom: You! (Gives Ian his grandfather)
Ian: No, you! (Gives his mother his grandfather)
Ian's mom: Not it! (Runs away and laughs)
Ian: Fine! Run away, but I'm not taking him in. (Goes in his house)
Next morning
(Ian woke up with a mug of coffee while wearing a robe)
Ian: Ah.
(Ian walked out of his house and got his newspaper while seeing his grandpa)
Ian: Fine! (Takes his grandfather in the house)
Anthony: (sees Ian bringing his grandfather) What's this?
Ian: It's my stupid grandpa, I gotta take care of his dying ass .
(The grandfather gives Ian a piece of paper)
Ian: What the hell is this?! (takes the paper)
Anthony: Dude, that's a bucket list, all the things he wanted to do before he dies.
Ian: But he didn't finish it.
Anthony: You should totally finish it for him!
Ian: Is that what you want grandpa?
(The grandfather shook his head up and as the soft music plays)
Later on
(Ian got out of his robe)
Anthony: All right, so first thing on the list is conquer your biggest fear. What's your biggest fear?
Ian: Aunt Jemima.
Anthony: You're afraid of syrup?
Ian: No, I'm afraid of her. She just sits on that bottle smiling at me. No matter where I go, I can feel those eyes piercing into my soul.
Anthony: So you're afraid of (shows the bottle) THIS?
Ian: NO!
Anthony: Kiss her!
Ian: GET HER AWAY FROM ME ANTHONY!
Anthony: If you want to get over your fear, you're gonna have to kiss her.
Ian: I CAN'T!
Anthony: Do it for your grandpa.
Ian: No, no, NO NO! I DON'T WANNA KISS HER!
(Anthony sends the bottle closer to Ian's mouth)
Ian: NOOOOOOO! (Kisses Jemima and runs away screaming)
Anthony: Alright so um, only thirty more to go.
Outside of the house
Anthony: Next up, we have steal candy from a little kid.
Ian: Sweet! (starts to leave then comes back) No pun attended. (leaves again and laughs)
(A girl was skipping with her cookie until Ian took it)
Ian: Give me that! (takes the cookie and eats it in front of the girl)
(Ian sees the girl's father which beaten Ian towards the pile of trash)
Anthony: So, how's that cookie taste?
Ian: Can we just finish this stupid list?
(Ian licks a door knob, gets a tattoo, pours two gallons of milk on himself, and starts to shave his nipple hair)
Ian: No, no! No, NOOOO! (Gets shaved) AH! [CENSOR IS HEARD] BARBARA STREISAND, AHHHH!
Back in the house
Anthony: Alright, so the last thing on the list is eat cat litter.
Ian: What?
Anthony: Yeah, already got some from the neighbor. (Drops the cat litter) Eat up.
(Ian tries to feel relaxed, grabs a part of the liter, and starts to eat it)
After eating the cat litter
(Ian and Anthony comes back to the grandfather)
Ian: I finished your stupid bucket list grandpa; I hope you're happy!
(The camera reveals the grandfather dead)
Anthony: Sorry dude. He didn't make it in time.
Ian: It's funny, before this bucket list stuff I thought my grandpa was a loser, but I guess I didn't just understand him. I just wish I could've spend a little time with him before he---- Never mind, I'll see you later man. (leaves and cries)
Anthony: HE TOTALLY FELL FOR IT!
(The grandfather woke up)
Ian's grandfather: Haha, what an idiot! Who falls for a prank like that?!
Ian's mom: (shows up from the couch) Haha, did you get him to eat the kitty litter?
Anthony: Yeah! You should've seen him, he's like, "Ah, blblbl! Ah, I got a little cat poop in my mouth. Lllll." Hahahahahaha!
Ian's grandfather: Oh. Hang on fellas, I got one more prank.
At the wake
Ian: (sees his grandfather) Well grandpa, you were a great man. I just wish... (sees his grandfather but thinks of him as a zombie) AHHHH!
Alternate Scene[]
(When Ian starts to fly his kite)
Ian: (sings) Gonna fly my kite, so high in the air!
Gonna ki-kite! Kite in your hair! (goes outside)
Deleted Scene[]
(After Ian gets thrown to a pile of trash)
Anthony: You got a little something ah, something right...
Ian: Got it.
Anthony: You got it?
Ian: Yeah I got it.
Anthony: You are such a little bitch.
Ian: I know!
Anthony: Just get up!
Ian: Nooo!
Alternate Ending[]
(When the grandfather woke up)
Ian's grandfather: Haha, what an idiot! Who falls for a prank like that?!
Anthony: Hahaha. Seriously?!
(Ian's grandfather falls back to sleep and Ian comes back)
Ian: Hey hey, what are you, what are you laughing about?
Anthony: Ah, grandpa s**t himself when he died.
Ian: PLAHAHA, IT TOTALLY WORKED!
Anthony: Yeah.
Ian: I TOLD YOU HE WOULD S**T HIMSELF
Anthony: Yeah.
Ian: WHEN HE DIED.
Anthony: Yeah, that's-that's what I'm saying.
Ian: Yeah, highfive. (Sees Anthony giving him a highfive and laughing) Yeah, you're cleaning it up. (leaves)
Anthony: (laughs and then stops laughing) No. Good save, good save.