My Mail Order Bride


June 22, 2012 (Smosh)
June 24, 2012 (El Smosh)

Views (approximate):






Characters Featured:

Ian, Anthony, Siri, Russian brides (three female; one male), stunt devils

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My Mail Order Bride! is a Smosh video uploaded on June 22, 2012.

Brief Synopsis: After seeing Anthony with a Russian mail-order bride, Ian, in need of a wife, decides to get one himself, but his bride isn't what he expected it to be.


Anthony is eating Spaghetti-O's in a restaurant when Ian is just putting them back in the bowl and not eating them. Anthony asks why and Ian responds that he is missing something, Ian suggests a girlfriend, Anthony refuses to the second option, a "fleshlight". Anthony tells Ian that he needs a Russian Mail Order Bride. Anthony calls over his Mail Order Bride named Svetlana to give him a back rub, she doesn't understand English, so Anthony has to put her hands on his shoulders to do it. Anthony tells Ian that his life is pretty much perfect, until Svetlana says to Ian: "Help, bad man, call police" Ian stares at her for a while until he says that he should go get one. Svetlana then prepares to shoot herself when Anthony tells her it's time for his leg waxing.

At home lan asks Siri if he can get a Russian Mail Order Bride. Siri asks lan if he wants a "Mail Order Bride" or a "Male Order Bride". lan responds "Uh, MAIL Order Bride" But Siri takes it as "Male." 2 Weeks Later, lan asks Siri "Why is my poop green?" until the doorbell rings, lan drops Siri and she says "Ouch, that hurt, bitch." When lan goes up to the door, he flips up his Mail Order Bride's veil and it reveals it is a man named Vladimir, who then walks in. Outside, Anthony is complaining to his Mom that he'll take out the trash later, until he gets a call from lan complaining that his mail order bride is a man, since lan used the wrong form of "mail" and unintentionally used "male" instead. Vladimir brings over a pot pie but Ian angrily knocks the pie to the ground. lan tells Anthony to come over immediately because Vladimir is cooking and cleaning things, which is pissing lan off. Vladimir is then on the floor filing lan's toenails asking if he likes the "pedofile"

Later, Anthony comes over with his new Russian Mail Order Bride, telling lan that he's gone through several and the previous ones died (and the bodies are put in Anthony's garage). Anthony tells lan that if they want to return a Mail Order Bride, they must challenge him/her to a Poovy Dipev, which is Russian for Talent Show. lan tells Vladimir that he challenges him to a "Poopy Diaper" but Anthony corrects him and says "Poovy Dipev," prompting Ian to throw the dirty diaper he had aside. If lan and Anthony win, Vladimir has to go back to Russia. Vladimir accepts and says "Prepare to be losed." Ian then says to Anthony: "God, his grammar sucks d**k".

At the Poovy Dipev, Vladimir sings the Star Spangled Banner, which is half wrong and lasted 2 hours. lan and Anthony's performance is a dancing session that consisted of amazing and advanced moves. Not wanting to lose, Vladimir shoots at what he thinks are lan and Anthony, but lan and Anthony come in and tells Vladimir that he shot their stunt doubles (YouTubers victorvictorkim and theDOMINICshow). They win, until lan tells Vladimir he can stay in America, under one condition: Vladimir becomes a target to throw water ballons at. lan tells Anthony that he loves being married, Anthony replies, saying he loves peeing in water balloons. lan and Vladimir say "What?", Anthony says "What?" and throws a balloon full of pee in Vladimir's face.

Alternate Ending

lan tells Vladimir that he can stay in America under one condition: He has to get rid of the dead Mail Order Brides that Anthony had. Vladimir brings out a plate of M&M cookies and Anthony asks what Vladimir did with the dead bodies. Vladimir responds saying "Let's just say they're....In Cookies" lan and Anthony throw up the cookies upon realizing what he's talking about.


My Mail Order Bride!/Script


  • Ian's mobile provider is GAYT&T again, as seen in If Video Games Were Real.
  • In real life, "Poovy Dipev" does not mean "Talent Show", it is probably just a joke made up by Smosh so lan can throw the poopy diaper behind him.
    • In Russian, "Talent Show" is "Шоу талантов".
  • Svetlana had the opportunity to shoot Anthony but instead she shot herself.
  • When the Bride shoots the stunt doubles of Ian and Anthony, a wilhelm scream is heard.
  • This marks Siri's second appearance since SIRI TRIED TO KILL ME!, although this time Siri belongs to Ian while in the previous video, Siri was Anthony's iPhone who disliked Ian.
  • After the "2 Weeks Later" time card, lan asking Siri "Why is my poop green?" is a reference to the first Ian is Bored Episode: Google Shenanigans. where the most asked question is "Why do people have green poop?"
  • The girl who plays Svetlana, Melissa Melançon, also played Princess Peach in REJECTED MARIO GAMES and Kitana in If Video Games Were Real 2.

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