In the house
Anthony: (closes the front door and speaks through his thoughts) Aw crap! I totally forgot Ian's birthday today. He's gonna kill me.
(Ian turns on the lights)
Anthony: What are you doing?
Ian: Throwing you a surprise birthday party; duh.
Anthony: But it's your birthday. Do you not understand how these things work?
Ian: I got you a present.
(Anthony takes the present)
Ian: Open it!
(Anthony opens it, and finds a bobblehead version of himself)
Anthony: Well, this is, really creepy.
Ian: I got it from some dude in Chinatown.
(Anthony looks at the doll while Ian talks)
Ian: He uh, he said to be careful because it might be cursed or something, but I don't know. And I wanted to make sure it was really, really accurate. So I snuck in your bedroom to a picture of you. (Keeps talking)
Anthony (bobblehead): (possessed voice) KILL IAN!
Ian: Look at it!
Anthony (human): Did you hear that?
Ian: Hear what?
Anthony (human): That creepy whisper that sounded like a cliche demon voice from a scary movie.
Anthony (human): Never mind.
(Anthony walks away to his room)
Ian: Hey! Where are you going?! I made you a cake! Quick, sing with me. (Sings) Conglaturations to you,
It's Ian's birthday. (keeps singing)
In Anthony's room
Anthony (human): God! (closes the door) Ian is so stupid.
Anthony (bobblehead): He sure is.
Anthony (human): What?
Anthony (bobblehead): You should kill him. (laughs)
Anthony (human): (Puts the bobblehead away, opens the door, and checks on Ian) Ian, are you fumigating the house again or something? I'm not thinking straight.
Ian: Nope! (Stuff more cake in his mouth)
(Human Anthony closes the door again)
Anthony (bobblehead): Kill him.
Anthony (human): Just ignore him Anthony. He's not real.
Anthony (bobblehead): Kiiiiill hhhhhhim.
Anthony (human) (thoughts): It's okay; he's just in your imagination.
Anthony (bobblehead): No I'm not. I can hear everything you're thinking because I'm a part of you. I'm the darkness you don't wanna let out, the yin to your yang, the Bella to your Edward, and now you must kill Ian. (laughs)
Anthony (human) (talking out): NO! (Grabs the bobblehead, wraps it in a baby blanket, puts the blanket in a waste basket, puts the waste basket in a hole outside in the yard, covers the hole with dirt, fills the spot with concrete, and goes back in his room to relax) (sighs) Thank God that's over.
Ian: (Opens the door) Well, I'm gonna bathe myself; so if you need me, I'll be in the shower.
Anthony (human): Thanks for the info.
Ian: Okay. (Goes to take a shower)
Anthony (bobblehead): (Comes back from the ground) Miss me?
(Human Anthony gets scared)
Anthony (bobblehead): Now's your chance. Kill him while he bathes himself.
Anthony (human): No! I am not gonna kill my best friend.
Anthony (bobblehead): (Sneaks up on Anthony's jeans) But is he really your best friend? He's stupid.
Anthony (human): He means well.
Anthony (bobblehead): (Sneaks up to the headboard of the bed) He steals all your Gogurts.
Anthony (human): Truuue.
Anthony (bobblehead): (Sneaks up inside of Anthony's shirt) And worst of all, he sings those crappy songs in the shower.
Anthony (human): All right! I'LL KILL HIM, OKAY? (Throws the doll on the bed and walks off)
Anthony (bobblehead): Excellent. (laughs)
In the bathroom
Ian: (sings in the shower while wearing a shirt): Ian's the best, better than the rest.
And one day soon he would touch a breast
Anthony (bobblehead): Now just toss the toaster in the shower and he'll be electrocuted. (laughs)
Anthony (human): Are you sure this will kill him?
Anthony (bobblehead): Yeah man. I saw it in a movie once.
(Human Anthony starts to put the toaster in the shower)
Ian (talking): Anthony, is that you? Dude, I can't wait for birthday. I bet your gonna get me such a cool present. (laughs)
(Human Anthony decides to not kill Ian)
Anthony (bobblehead): What are you doing? Finish him!
Anthony (human): I just realized all the bad things that Ian does isn't because he's not my friend. It's because he's just really, really dumb.
Ian: Hey, I ran out of shampoo. Can you give some dish soap or something.
Anthony (human): Ian would never do something like this to me. I-I-I just can't do it. (Throws the toaster away)
Anthony (bobblehead): If you don't start killing him, (sneaks up to Anthony's shoulder with a steak knife) I'm gonna kill both of you myself!
Anthony (human): LIKE HELL YOU WILL? (Takes the bobblehead, separates him from the knife, throws the knife and takes it to the bedroom)
At the bedroom
(Human Anthony takes the doll to the bed and punches the head)
Anthony (human): DIE!
(While the bobblehead doll was laughing, human Anthony attacked the doll with a lamp)
Anthony (human): I'LL NEVER KILL IAN! NEVER!
(Ian gets out of the shower and thinks Anthony is playing with the doll)
Ian: Oh, I see you're enjoying your present. Cool! (claps his hands)
Anthony (bobblehead): You can't kill me. I am you; and eventually, I will get you to kill him.
Anthony (human): No one is going TO KILL MY FRIEND!
(Human Anthony takes the toaster)
Anthony (bobblehead): Wha-Wha-What are you doing?
Anthony (human): I'm finishing this right now.
(Human Anthony runs to the bathroom in slow motion)
Ian: (slow motion) NOOOO!
At the bathroom
Anthony (human): NOOOOOOOOOO!
(Human Anthony runs to the shower with the toaster and eletrocutes himself)
Anthony (bobblehead): NOOO! (the head blew up)
Ian: (exhales) Anthony? (Sees him dead) Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh,oh no! (Mourns)
In a room
(Ian keeps on mourning and eventually starts laughing)
Ian (human): It's done. I finally convinced him I was so stupid that he KILLED HIMSELF.
Ian (bobblehead): (Turns the chair facing human Ian) Good, good.
(Both of them laughed and then 20 seconds later, they stopped laughing)
Ian (bobblehead): Well this is akward.
(When Ian laughs in a room)
Ian (human): I finally convinced him I was so stupid that he KILLED HIMSELF.
Ian (bobblehead): Good, good.
(both of them laughed until the head of the bobblehead fell off)
Ian (bobblehead): OH, SH**!
Alternate Scene #1
(IWhen Ian's in the shower after realizing Anthony was there)
Ian: You still there Anthony? Um, I ran out of conditioner; my hair usually looks kinda crap.
Alternate Scene #2
(When Anthony starts to see his gift)
Ian: How- How many chances do you get to get a bobblehead dude? I mean it's like you as a doll form, but you got like a huge head. So it's like kind of like a baby, but not. You know just like, you know. Wah, I'm a baby. I have bobbly head.