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If the Internet Was Real/Script

< If the Internet Was Real

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Introduction Edit

(Ian is watching a video that has just been uploaded onto YouTube. Anthony notices and is immediately excited)

Anthony: Was this just uploaded?!

Ian: Yeah?

(Anthony sits down beside Ian)

Anthony: Dude, come on! Type "thumbs up if you're the 306th viewer"!

Ian: Why?

Anthony: Uh, because people thumbs it up and we can brag to our friends when it gets top rated?

Ian: Okay, but what's the point? I mean I wouldn't go out in public and ask for people to give me thumbs ups.

Anthony: Yeah, but this is the Internet! Can you imagine how stupid it'd be if the Internet was actually like real life?

YouTube Edit

(A guy is seen juggling three balls, when an Internet Troll (Hugh Jasshol) jumps on screen)

Internet Troll: (drawn out) FAKE!

(Cut to another guy doing a series of flips when Internet Troll jumps on screen again)

Internet Troll: (drawn out) FAKE!

(Cut to a girl on her cell phone, revealing her cleavage) 

Girl: You know, hairless bears kind of look like giant dogs.

(Internet Troll jumps on screen, pointing at her breasts)

Internet Troll: (drawn out) FAKE!

Twitter Edit

(Ian opens up the bathroom door and yells to the camera (tweets))

Ian: I JUST TOOK A S**T!

Yelp Edit

(Anthony and a woman are having a romantic date, complete with ambiance, eating spaghetti bolognaise)

Woman: So what do you think of my spaghetti?

Anthony: The noodles are too hard, the mashed potatoes are too sweet, it smells like a horse's ass, the ambiance in here sucks, there's a pube in my food, and my nipples are hard!

(Cuts to girl woman looking deeply upset)

Anthony: (deadpan) Three stars.

MySpace Edit

(A room full of chairs is empty, except for Tom, sitting next to a whiteboard, smiling nervously)

Tom: Is anyone still here?

Google Images Edit

(Anthony is with Google Images (Ian) inside a house)

Anthony: Hey Google Images! I'd like to see a picture of a toaster.

Google Images: Certainly! Here's a naked girl with a toaster.

(Camera pans to see a naked girl in the room holding a toaster)

(Cuts back to Anthony)

Anthony: NO! NO! I - just a plain toaster, and nothing BUT a toaster!

Google Images: Did you mean a plain girl with a toaster up her butt?

(Pans to see the same naked girl with the toaster up her butt)

AOL Edit

(Anthony is staring at AOL 9.0 on his monitor)

(AOL's annoying dial-up tone is playing)

(Anthony raises a gun to his head, about to commit suicide)

StumbleUpon Edit

(A naked guy is dancing in front of a disgusted Ian)

Ian: Uh, God. Anthony! Stop changing my interests to gay porn!

Smosh.com Edit

(Ian and Anthony open a door labelled with 'Smosh.com Inside')

(A heavenly white light shines out of the room)

Ian: THIS IS THE BEST SITE EVER!!! 

Anthony: I JUST S**T MY PANTS!

2 Girls 1 Cup Edit

(Two girls are sitting by a kitchen counter with one cup)

(The two stare at the cup)

AIM Edit

(Anthony and Ian are discussing a prom)

Anthony: Yeah, I'm just not gonna go to prom this year.

(A girl named iLuvCatsz15 pops out of nowhere)

iLuvCatz15: (cheerfully) What are you doing?

Anthony: Nothing! So anyway - 

iLuvCatz15: What are you doing meow?

(Three more people appear on screen)

XxSmoshMeSillyxX: WHAT'S UP?

​SoftTaco754: ¡Hola!

SpAnDeXiSkEwL: ASL!

(Cuts to Ian and XxSmoshMeSillyxX)

XxSmoshMeSillyxX: I'm a fifteen year old girl. Wanna cyber?

(XxSmoshMeSillyxX licks Ian's ear, much to his disgust)

Ending Edit

(Cuts back to Ian and Anthony watching the video)

Ian: OK, that would suck if it was real.

(The Internet Troll from YouTube appears out of nowhere)

Internet Troll: IT IS REAL YOU STUPID EMOS!

Anthony: What?

Internet Troll: (points at Anthony) FAKE! (points at Ian) FAKE!

Ian: What the hell are you talking about?!

Internet Troll: YOU GUYS SUCK! GO KILL YOURSELVES!

Anthony: That's it.

(Ian and Anthony get up and grab the Troll)

Internet Troll: Oh now? What are you two faries gonna do? You gonna molest me?

(Cuts to see Anthony and Ian push the Troll out of a window)

Internet Troll: (obviously fake falling behind a green screen) THIS EFFECT LOOKS SO FAKE! YOU GUYS SUCK AT VIDEO EDITING!

(Internet Troll slams into the ground and dies on impact, while Anthony and Ian high-five each other)

(Cuts to a image of a dead Troll and a message "DON'T BE A DOUCHE ON THE INTERNET")

Extra Scenes Edit

MySpace (Alternative Scenes) Edit

(All share the same scenario, but Tom has different dialogue)

1. Tom: Please kill me.

2. Tom: I hate my life.

3. Tom: Will you be my friend? (awkward silence) Please?

4. Tom: F**king Zuckerburg...f**ker.

Facebook (Deleted) Edit

(Anthony and a girl are talking about their relationship)

Anthony: So, I - I guess that means we're official.

Girl: I guess so.

(Anthony immediately spins around to Ian, who was standing behind them the whole time)

Anthony: (in Ian's face) I AM NOW IN A RELATIONSHIP!

(Three random people appear on screen)

Random Woman: Like!

Random Man 1: Like!

Random Man 2: Like!

Ian: Why can't I dislike this?

Wikipedia (Deleted) Edit

(Anthony and a random guy are arguing about Darth Vader)

Random Guy: Darth Vader was definitely in Star Trek.

Anthony: No he's not. Right Wikipedia?

(Cuts to Anthony and Wikipedia (Ian))

Wikipedia: Uh, no. Darth Vader is, in fact, in Star Trek.

Anthony: No he's not!

Wikipedia: Dude, whatever! It's your word against a thirteen year old who gave me this information. Who do you think is more reliable? Dumbass.

Random Guy: (smugly) Verified. Ha.

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