*Phone rings* Hey man, what's up? I'm in the theater. Yeah, I can talk. SHUT UP!

—Shut Up! Opening

If Scary Movies Were Real
If Scary Movies Were Real


October 29, 2010

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Characters Featured:

Anthony Padilla, Ian Hecox, various scary movie characters, very hungry people

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If Scary Movies Were Real is a Smosh video uploaded on October 29, 2010, and is the fourth installment of the If...Were Real series. Scary movies are shown how dumb they would be if they were actually realistic.


Anthony and Ian are watching a zombie movie, and Ian complains that zombie movies aren't that fun to watch. Anthony tells Ian to imagine how stupid scary movies would be if they were actually realistic.

Scary Movies Spoofed


Adam (Anthony) is in the bathroom, screaming for help. He notices that a dead guy, Jigsaw (Ian), next to him is still breathing. The "dead" guy replies by saying, "Damn it!", pounding his fist on the bloody floor.


Anthony throws water at an alien. The alien laughs and ridicules Anthony for thinking water was their weakness, saying, "You humans are stupider than I thought!".


Marion Crane is seen taking a shower, when a shadow appears behind the shower curtain. Suddenly, Norman Bates (Anthony) opens the curtain to find Marion naked. He stares at her while saying, "Damn!".


Ian is attacked by the Anaconda, and is strangled and suffocated by it several times. He is obviously faking as he also takes the rubber snake and smacks it into the ground.

Chucky "Child's Play"

Ian runs into a room and tells Anthony that his doll is trying to kill him. Anthony and Ian walk into Ian's bedroom to find a benign-looking Woody doll, which says "You're my favorite deputy!" At first Anthony doesn't believe him, but then the Woody doll jumps at him to attack, screaming "Die, bitch!".

Pitch Black

A pitch black screen is literally shown.

The Ring

Ian is watching The Ring, at which point his cell phone starts to ring. He answers it and a voice (Anthony) tells him, "Seven days." The voice then hangs up. An annoyed Ian yells "Oh HELL NO!" then types in "*69" on his phone and calls the person back. The person claims that Ian is calling a sex line, but Ian is skeptical at first. Eventually, the voice convinces Ian, and Ian asks for how much the sex line charges.

Sex and the City

A picture of Sarah Jessica Parker is abruptly zoomed in on while a scary sound effect plays in the back.

Scream (or any slasher movie)

Sidney is running away from Ghost Face, who corners her in a hallway. Ghost Face begins to approach her, but she pulls out a pistol, which she uses to shoot and kill Ghost Face. She then pulls out a Staples Easy button and presses it, which says its trademark "that was easy" phrase.

Deleted Scenes

The Exorcist

Regan MacNeil (Anthony) is laughing evilly and twists her neck and screaming "OWW, MY NECK!!" and screaming continues. Regan's possessed face is not seen for some strange reason.

The Birds

A businessman (Anthony) is waiting by the edge of the sidewalk by the P.O. boxes. A close up of him is shown when a bird craps on his head, leaving bird poop on his chin and nose.


Ian decides to go give Sparky a haircut and begins to leave the house. Suddenly, a group of "zombies" enter the house. Ian, freaking out, pulls out a handgun and begins to shoot one of the "zombies", but Anthony stops him and throws a bag of chips into the horde. The "zombies" gather around the chips and begin eating them. Anthony tells Ian that they aren't zombies, but just "really, really high." Ian realizes he just committed murder, and Anthony says Ian is obviously going to prison.

Alternate Ending

After Anthony says, "Yeah, you're going to prison," Ian says "Fine", and puts the handgun in his mouth to commit suicide. The screen cuts to black as a gunshot is heard.


If Scary Movies Were Real/Script


  • The Easy button in "Scream" could be referencing another Smosh video, Going to the Mountains, where Ian is duped into buying a Staples Easy Button.
  • In "The Ring" scene, Ian's cell phone ringtone is an instrumental version of Justin Bieber's "Baby."
  • One of the "zombies" in the video's ending scene was the same girl who appeared in a later Smosh video, N1PPLES ON YOUTUBE!
  • The censored bar in the video's thumbnail is higher than it normally is compared to the thumbnails of other videos of the series except for three of the videos, which lack the censored bar. This is likely since a naked Marion was on the thumbnail, and the bar was raised to cover her breasts. Although, it is totally obvious that Smosh nudity is faked and covered during filming and photography.
  • Even though this IS about horror movies, Sex And The City isn't even a horror film.

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