If Kids Shows Were Real
If Kids Shows Were Real
Thumbnail of If Kids Shows Were Real


February 18, 2011

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Characters featured

Ian Hecox, Anthony Padilla, Thomas, various kids show characters

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If Kids Shows Were Real is a Smosh video uploaded on February 18th, 2011. This is the fifth episode in the "If...Were Real" Series.


What would is be like if kids shows were actually real?



Ian and Anthony are watching Dora the Explorer when Dora asks the viewers what their favorite part of the episode was. Anthony replies that his favorite part was "when Boots stole the burrito and ate it in the tree." Dora responds back, saying she like that part as well. Ian tells Anthony that the show is so dumb, and that the characters can't actually hear him, at which point Anthony reminds him that its a kids show and asks Ian how dumb it would be if kids shows were actually real.

Kid Shows Spoofed

Care Bears

Ian and Anthony are at a bear enclosure when Anthony says he needs to talk to Cheer Bear, claiming "He'll know how to cheer me up." Ian wishes him good luck sarcastically while Anthony hops the fence into the enclosure. However, when Anthony begins to talk to "Cheer Bear," the bear proceeds to maul and rip him apart.

Mighty Morphin Power Rangers

Zack Taylor says that he's not going to be the Black Ranger.

Blues Clues

Steve (Ian) asks the kids if they can find any of Blue's clues. Steve spots a blue pawprint on the carpet. He touches it with his finger and notices a blue residue or paint. Suddenly, Steve flies into a rage, yelling, "Goddammit, Blue, you got paint in the goddamn house! You bitch!" and kicking Blue into a nearby plant. Realizing that the kids saw and heard everything that just happened, Steve tries to cover up his use of the word "bitch" by explaining that it really means "female dog".


Barney The Purple Dinosaur is eating people. Screaming (and bloody) Ian, Anthony and a woman are running away from him. A boy is then seen trying to crawl away, but Barney grabs him by the leg, and pulls him in to eat him.


A squash, a tomato, and a cucumber are shown.

Sesame Street

A doctor (Anthony) and Kermit the Frog from The Muppets (performed by lan) are sitting on a hospital bed next to a dead Cookie Monster. Kermit asks how the Cookie Monster "croaked," and the doctor replies that the Cookie Monster had eaten nothing but cookies for 42 years. After a short pause, the doctor then adds that Cookie Monster also "smoked ass-loads of meth."


A horrified Ian and Anthony are shown screaming hysterically at a setting human-faced sun (Ian).

Pee-wee's Playhouse

Pee-wee Herman (Anthony) walks into a house while a girl in the back tells him to come in. Peewee then asks if she's ready to see his "Little Peewee" and pulls down his pants. Chris Hansen (Ian) walks up to him and asks Peewee to "have a seat right over there." Peewee complains that all he wanted to do was show her "his little Peewee." He then shows him a Nintendo Wii with a blue P painted on it. The confused Chris Hansen begins to admit that he thought Peewee was referring to his "d*ck," but then eagerly asks if he can play. The two are later shown playing tennis on Wii Sports, and Chris Hansen comments, "Thirty-love, BITCH!"

Reading Rainbow

A boy (possibly the same one from the Barney scene) tells the audience about a book he read called Twilight. The boy remarks, "It f**king sucked!".

Thomas the Tank Engine

An upset and uncomfortable looking Thomas (Anthony) demands to be killed (destroyed).

Deleted Scenes

Bob the Builder

Bob is shown as a fat guy smoking a cigarette and spitting and burping while hammering a piece of wood.

The Wiggles

The Wiggles are portrayed as mustached pedophiles who are taking photos of and video-taping young children, but flee when the police arrive.


Ian admits that kids shows would suck if they were real. Anthony said so. Ian then asks why they're even watching Thomas the Tank Engine, and tells Anthony to shut it off. Anthony claims he lost the tv remote. A frustrated Ian pulls out a gun and shoots the TV screen to turn it off. However, the screen reflects the bullet and hits Anthony in the shoulder. Ian asks Anthony what should he do. Anthony tells Ian to ask the audience for help,  which Ian first doesn't want to do it, Anthony tells him Ian to just do it and Ian eventually agrees to do. Ian turns to the screen and asks the audience What do you think I should do?' After asking the audience, Ian exclaims that it's a great idea, Anthony watches,  and Ian hits himself in the head with a inflatable mallet three times and falls on the couch. After seeing  the "great idea," Anthony breaks the fourth wall by thanking the audience, in the process calling them a**holes.


If Kids Shows Were Real/Script


  • The "Peewee's Playhouse" scene's beginning is very remniscent of the "Captain Planet" scene from If Cartoons Were Real, though unlike Captain Planet, Peewee didn't run when Chris Hansen appeared.
  • In the Care Bears scene, the "do not feed the bears" sign is facing the enclosure and inside the cage, meaning that no one could read the sign unless they actually entered the enclosure. In the same segment, Cheer Bear is called a male when she's actually a girl.
  • In the Sesame Street scene, Kermit the Frog is the one who talk to Anthony, even though Kermit the Frog is from The Muppets, not from Sesame Street. Kermit actually made periodic appearances on the show until 2001.
  • When Ian shoots the TV, an overworked Thomas is seen very briefly.
  • As Anthony was getting mauled, one of his arms hit the enclosure, the fake severed arm prop has been with Smosh since 2007's "Handshake" video
  • Anthony's bullet wound at the end of the video looks like the number three.
  • This is the Second time there is no Censored bar over a girl in the Thumbnail, first was If Video Games Were Real.
  • The foods in Veggie Tales are actually fruit since they all have seeds inside of them.
  • Thomas is out of character and has an un-cartoony face. His eyes are too small, his nose is too big and his eyebrows are not triangular.
  • The Thomas logo is not done correctly.
  • Thomas would not demand to be killed. He was more popular than sports on other channels in England, the show's home country.
  • The Thomas seen is the one at the English theme park Thomas Land built for joy rides.
  • This is the first non-food battle Smosh video for Barney the dinosaur to appear in the subscription ending.
  • The ad for the Sexy Album is similar to how Smosh did their outros in February of 2014. They had animated mouths.

Subscription Ending

"(Barney's voice) Thanks for subscribing! (laughs) And if you dont, I'll f**king kill you! (laughs)"

Shut Up! Opening

"-(singing) I love you, you love me, we're a happy...SHUT UP!"


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