If Holidays Were Real
If Holidays Were Real


December 23, 2011

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Characters Featured:

Ian Hecox, Anthony Padilla

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If Holidays Were Real is the last Smosh "Sketch Episode" of 2011, and the ninth installment of Smosh's "If [blank] Were Real" series.


After Ian complains about St. Patrick's Day because he has to wear a leprechaun costume, Anthony asks him how stupid it would be if holidays were realistic.



Anthony tells Ian to hurry up, which makes Ian groan as he walks into the living room wearing a lepurachan costume and comment how dumb St. Patrick's Day is. He then asks if Irish people even believe in "this stupid leprechaun crap." Anthony says all holidays were like that and asks Ian how stupid it would be if holidays were actually realistic.

Holidays Spoofed


Santa Claus (played by Anthony) is stuck in the chimney and starts cursing before the fireplace turns on and burns the wood and Santa's feet.


Billy (Ian) and his friend (Anthony) are enjoying their Easter Egg hunt when Billy wonders where the eggs come from. The boys hear groaning from around the corner and go see where the sound is coming from. They find the Easter Bunny squatting over the ground and pooping the Easter Eggs out. He greets them by saying, "Happy Easter!" Billy's friend is so shocked from this realization that he regurgitates the jelly beans that he was eating.


Miles Standish (Ian) is telling a couple of Wampanoag Natives that they can work together to benefit all of the people, but he is talking as if they don't speak English. Squanto asks the Chief, Massasoit (Anthony), why he is talking like that, and Massasoit responds by saying that the pilgrim might be mentally challenged. Squanto thought that it was the same reason for the stupid hats the male Pilgrims wear.


An excited Billy (wearing a Pikachu costume) runs into the living room and dumps out all his candy on the ground. His mom tells him to check each piece before he eats one becuase there might be razor blades inside it. However, Billy doesn't believe her and starts to eat a piece of candy. Blood immediately starts to spray from Billy's mouth.

New Year

A girl says she wants to make out with someone and blame it on being drunk.

Chinese New Year

A Chinese girl says in Chinese that she wants to make out with someone and blame it on being drunk.

Columbus Day

A teacher, Mr. Ball (Ian), nervously tells his class that "Christopher Columbus definitely intended to find America, he definitely found America first, and he definitely wasn't responsible for the savage murder of all the natives." An Italian student dressed as Colombus (Anthony) is pointing a gun at Mr. Ball, saying with an evil tone, "Good... good..."

Valentine's Day

Forever Alone

Anthony and a girl are sitting on a bench, telling each other how much they love each other, while Ian is standing by with the "Forever Alone" face, feeling "Forever Alone."

Mother's Day

Anthony's dad (portrayed by a perverted guy) asks Anthony what he got for him for Mother's Day, but Anthony points out that he's not his mom. However, he reveals to be wearing lipstick and asks Anthony, "Or am I?" Later, the man tells his friend that he's getting a Mother's Day and a Father's day gift this year before jumping for joy.

Deleted Scenes


Anthony gives Ian his birthday cake, and Ian asks Anthony to sing the Happy Birthday to him. Anthony starts to sing, but his singing is bleeped because the audio was removed due to a copyright claim.

April Fools' Day

Anthony looks at Ian's dead body with a bloody knife in his hand. Sgt. Anous comes in to arrest him. Anthony nervously looks at the calender to see that April 1st is circled and says, "April fools!" Sgt. Anous laughs and tells Anthony to "have a nice day." ("MURDERRIFIC!")


Ian admits that holidays would be dumb if they were real. He tells Anthony that he's gonna go and pinch some people for not wearing green before he pinches Anthony and runs away. As he is walking out of the house, he spots a leprechaun talking on the phone, catches him, and demands him to take him to his gold.

The leprechaun takes Ian to a white van labeled FREE GOLD (formerly labled FREE CANDY) and pushes him inside. After the leprechaun gets in, Ian starts screaming in pain as the van bounces up and down, making it seem as though Ian is being raped. It is then revealed that the leprechaun was pouring gold coins into Ian's hands, and the gold is hurting his hands. The leprechaun tells him that at least he got some free money, in which Ian happily agrees. A song plays, "Always trust a man in a big white van!"


If Holidays Were Real/Script


  • Billy makes his first appearance in a long time since the X-Mas trilogy back in 2009.
  • The birthday deleted scene is the second time Smosh references the Happy Birthday song being copyrighted. The first time was the Shut Up! Opening in the video Ian's Birthday.
  • The April Fools' Day scene could possibly be a parody of HOW TO COVER UP A MURDER; Anthony murdered Ian in both videos. If it WAS an actual parody and or scene, it would've had Sgt. Anous say "BULLSH*T!" and shoot Anthony.
    • Also in this scene after Sgt. Anous left it said murderous like in How-To Videos.
  • This is the last Smosh "Sketch" episode of 2011, not counting the end of year remix.
  • The leprechaun's white van is really a U-Haul Van with the information on the side of it digitally edited to say "FREE GOLD" on the side of the truck
  • This is the second episode of the If [blank] Were Real series where lan and Anthony aren't watching TV. Anthony is sitting on the couch in his normal spot, but is not watching TV. The first time was on If The Internet Was Real, where they are watching a video on YouTube.
  • The same Easter Bunny costume used in this episode appears in the 2009 video, Anthony's Death, being worn by Ian.
  • Ian and Anthony both mention how the Irish believe in leprechauns, when they really believe in St. Patrick.
  • Both Billy and his friend are wearing Nintendo themed shirts that say "Bring it On."
  • According to the Extras on, the Valentine's Day scene was digitally edited to allow lan's "Forever Alone" face.
  • When Mr. Ball is being forced to say that Christopher Columbus was not responsible for murdering the Native Americans, he was actually correct due to other settlers like Cortés murdering other Native Americans like the Aztecs, but Columbus intended to find India, and Vikings found the Americas a few hundred years before Columbus.

Subscription Ending

Thanks for subscribing! Now I'm off to go buy a white van! Anyone want some "free gold?"

Shut Up! Opening

Jingle bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg! SHUT UP!


See Also


Best of 2014 Remix / If Guys Had Girl Problems / Smash Rap / Time Traveling Pickup Master / Murder Party / The Internet in Real Life / If Romantic Movies Were Real / The Truth Behind Emojis / Video Game Items in Real Life / My Hot Online Girlfriend / Apple Watch Sucks / Worst Parents Ever / Sex Turban / Ultimate High School Prank / 20 Million Subscribers! / We're in Super Mario Bros 2! / LEAKED Legend of Zelda NETFLIX TRAILER / Avengers: Age of Ultron LEAKED FOOTAGE / Anthony is Dating a Fan / EVERY BLANK EVER (Trailer) / The Mother's Day Rule / Every Instagram Ever / MAGIC iPAD / If Board Games Were Real / Every Party Ever / CHRIS PRATT INTERVIEW PRANK / THE NEW ANT MAN / Every Game Of Thrones Ever / SMOSH: THE MOVIE (OFFICIAL TRAILER) / Every Dad Ever / Batman's A Bitch / GODS IN REAL LIFE / Every Wrestler Ever / SEXUAL SUN / Camp In A Van / EVERY SNAPCHAT EVER / Hand Bomb / Old People Movie Prank / Every Cat Ever / The Wiener Song (Autotune) / WHO THE F*CK IS THAT GUY?! / Every Break Up Ever / 6 People 1 Donut/TOM CRUISE IS MY ROOMMATE/Every Teacher Ever/We're in Super Mario Bros 3/Finger GunsEvery Vine Ever/If the Internet Were Real/Epic Trailer Gone Wrong/Every Birthday Ever/Movie Translation Fails/Food Battle X Announcement/If Kanye Were President/Every Walking Dead Ever/HOW TO GET A GIRLFRIEND/Food Battle X Cartoons/THE BAD PARTS OF HEAVEN/Every Halloween Ever/Yelp For People!/If Video Games Were Real 4/Every Thanksgiving Ever/Montage Machine/1985 vs 2015/Food Battle X Trailer/Every Smosh Video Ever/Food Battle X/F**ked Up Christmas Movies/Every Jedi Ever/Netflix Conscience/