FANDOM


IF BIEBER WROTE HIS SONGS
IfBieberWroteHisSongs

Released:

August 15, 2014 (Smosh)
August 16, 2014 (Reupload)
August 17, 2014 (El Smosh)

Video Length:

5:54

Views (Approximate):

12,000,000+

Season:

2014

Episode:

34

Characters Featured:

Justin Bieber, Niall Horan

Previous Video:

Disney's Star Wars Blind Date

Next Video:

If TV Shows Were Real 2

Synopsis

Justin Bieber gets a surprise visit from the only person that matters: himself! Can Past Justin save Present Justin from losing himself?!

Plot

In Justin Bieber's room, the "young Justin" (Ian) wakes up present day Justin (Anthony). Today's Justin tries to shoot the other person (while holding the gun the wrong way), but "young Justin" says that he's him from the past. He states that today's Justin should go back to what he truly was without anyone writing for him, Usher, nor Auto-Tune. Today's Justin decides to do it which the "Young Justin" decides to listen.

Justin creates a song called I Totally Wish... directed by Michael Jackson's ghost. It's about him wishing that he was black in an annoying high-pitched voice. However, "Young Justin" noticed that he does need some help while needing some swag. Today's Justin states that he doesn't do things like that before since he has other people do it for him while he looks pretty. "Young Justin" tells him to think about that truly matters to himself and a little audo tune because of his bad vocal cords.

Justin creates a song called Ride (All Over) directed by I'm Now on House Arrest. It's about running over the paparazzi and splatter them in the hood of his two-million-dollar Bugatti. There was also some twerking involved. "Young Justin" thought the beat was slamming and compliments about Justin's new hairdo. Today's Justin thanked his younger self and thought that his old hairstyle was dumb. Today's Justin also tells his younger self to peep at the next song.

Justin creates a song called Baby directed by an actual baby. It's pretty much the same thing as the original, but with actual babies. "Young Justin" knows that he did that song already, but today's Justin states that the song is truly about his love for babies since they're cute. "Young Justin" thought that was weird, but tells today's Justin to show the rest of the songs so he can bang with Selena Gomez. Justin realizes that he doesn't bang anyone until three years later with a Brazilian prostitute. "Young Justin" asked if that really happened which today's Justin expanded saying that it costed ten thousand dollars.

Justin creates a song called One Time (Being Famous is Awesome) directed by Urrrrshur. It's about the cops finding him with weed and have his black friend take the blame. He even created a song called S(w)agging My Pants directed by his probation officer. It's about him sagging his pants past his dick which looks like he pooed in it. Justin also made another song called I'm Wealthy directed by his pool boy. It's about him being wealthy in order to survive and have unnecessary things like a platinum toilet, a toothbrush made of rhino horn, and his toilet paper is gold. Justin also creates a song called "Prostitute" directed by his Canadian mother. It's about him liking to pee in buckets and throw eggs at his neighbors. It also mentions him making kissing faces while also spitting at his fans and haters. It even talks about his love for Selena Gomez, but Brazilian prostitutes even more.

Justin asks "his younger self" what he thinks about the new songs. However, "young Justin" reveals himself to be Niall Horan from One Direction (Ian). Niall reveals his evil plan to ruining Justin's career and have One Direction rule the world. Justin tries to remember who Niall is, so Niall details by saying that he's normally in the back of the stage where he doesn't sing much since he might be terrible at it. Justin then confuses Niall with the Nile River and thinks that he has a river on his bed. As an enthusiastic person Justin is, he wants Niall to go around the moat of his mansion. Niall realizes this and tries to tell him that it's different since his name is not spelled the same way. Justin still thinks Niall is a river and starts asking him where the fish and fishermen are. Niall thinks Justin is trying to piss him off deciding that he has enough from Justin pissing him off and starts running away. Justin thought Niall was a "weird river" and decides to eat a container of lube.

The narrator introduces Just Justin and starts giving a low price. However, the narrator adds in more since he believes twelve-year-old girls will buy it anyway.

Deleted Scene

Justin sings a song never say never but replaces the words of him bragging about his tattoos "bunch of tattoos" which includes what he had for lunch.

Ultimate Douchebag Medley Lyrics

(note that this is a song from iTunes)

As long as I'm wealthy,
I'll never be starving,
Never be homeless,
Never be broke.
As long as I'm wealthy,
My toilet is platinum,
My toothbrush is rhino horn,
Wipe my ass with gold.
As long as I'm wealth wealth wealth wealthy, wealthy,
Wealth wealth wealth wealth wealthy, wealthy.

(Justin doesn't sing for sixteen seconds)

One time
Cops came into my house
And found a bunch of weed;
Then I made my black friend
Take the blame for me.
One time
One time
One one time
One one tie tie time!

(Justin doesn't sing for eleven seconds)

I got a bunch of tattoos (Ay) got tattoos
If you read them,
You can get clues. (You can get clues)
To what I had for lunch
S**t dawg I got a bunch.
On my neck,
On my back,
On my chest,
On my abs,
A bunch of tattoos.

(Justin doesn't sing for four seconds)

Uh, uh,
You love me.
Haha.

I like to pee in buckets
And throw eggs at my neighbors.
Make kissy faces at the camera,
Spit on my fans and haters.
I love Selena Gomez
But I love Brazilian prostitutes more.
Swaggy!
I like to pee in buckets!
Ain't no other words rhyme with more.
I like to pee in buckets!
Ain't no other words rhyme with more.

(Justin doesn't sing for seven seconds)

Uh, uh,
You love me.
Eh.

I totally wish I was black
So people may say it and whack.
(Justin doesn't sing for six seconds)
Totally wish, to-to-totally wish

(Justin doesn't sing for nineteen seconds)

And ohh
I want to run all over the paparazzi.
And ohh
Splatter them over the hood
Of my two million dollar Bugatti.

(Justin doesn't sing for fourteen seconds)

And I was like
Baby, baby, baby no.
Like baby, baby, baby ohh.
Like!

(Justin doesn't sing for thirteen seconds)

Swag my
(Justin doesn't sing for eight seconds)
Swag my
(Justin doesn't sing for eight seconds)
Sag my pants past my dick
Oh yeah.
Past my dick.
Looks like I pooed in it.
Oh yeah.
Pooed in it.
Sag my pants past my dick
Oh yeah.
Past my dick.
Looks like I pooed in it.
Oh yeah.
Pooed in it.

Script

If Bieber Wrote His Songs/Script

Trivia/Goofs/Notes

  • The video had to be re-uploaded on August 16th, 2014 due to someone flagging it.
  • In the very beginning of the video, on the nightstand next to Bieber is a lantern, a box of tissues and a few used ones, a tube of "Lube: Extra Smooth" and a gun.
  • Many paintings are seen around Justin's room. Thomas Gainsborough's The Blue Boy is seen behind Past Justin.
  • The directors of the music videos change every song. "I Totally Wish.." was directed by 'Michael Jackson's Ghost'. "Ride (All Over)" was directed by 'I'm Now On House Arrest', "Baby" was directed by 'An Actual Baby', and so on.
  • As seen in the beginning, Bieber is sleeping with a Cookie Monster plush toy.
  • During the music video for "I'm Wealthy", there's a smiley face on the Gold
  • The text at the bottom of the order information screen for Just Justin reads: "Orders subject to approval by Usher. Usher won't approve if you got a weird name, yo. He changed my middle name from Drewburger to Drew which makes me sad cuz I like burgers. Love Justin Drewburger Biebe".

Shut Up! Opening

"I think that I was detrimental to my own career. SHUT UP!"
—{{{2}}}

Cast

Ian Hecox as past Justin Bieber/Niall Horen
Anthony Padilla as present Justin Bieber

V - E - H - D Smosh Episodes
Season 2005 Pokemon Theme Music Video (deleted) / Power Rangers Theme / Mortal Kombat Theme / The Epic Battle: Jesus vs Cyborg Satan
Season 2006 PREVIEW: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Theme / Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Theme / Battleship / Transformers Theme / Smosh Short 1: Dolls / The California Stereotype Experiment / Boxman / Smosh Short 2: Stranded / The Best Car EVER / Food Battle 2006 / That Damn Neighbor / Frankie Rogers is James Bond / How Not to Make a First Impression / How Not to Act on a First Date / Feet For Hands / Boxman's Christmas / New Year's Eve PSA
Season 2007 Three Wishes / Axe Murderer / Easy Step / Sparky Goes to a Club / Spiderman, Spiderman / License Test / April First / Anthony Gets a Haircut / Handshake / Hardcore Max / Food Battle 2007 / Transformers Rap / Three Guys in a Hotel / Quest for the Scooter / The Assassins / Replacement Needed / Reunited? / Male Model / The Haunting / Toy Airplane / Ian's Birthday / Santa is Real!
Season 2008= Cat Soup / Boxman's Girlfriend / Left Handed / There Will Be Pokemon / Smosh Sued for $20 Million (April Fools) / Beef 'n Go / Batman's Cool Internet Video / Teleporting Fat Guy / Food Battle 2008 / Going to the Mountains / Life as Ghosts / Boxman for President / Sex Ed Rocks / Smosh Snatchers / A Merry Gangsta Christmas
Season 2009 Breaking the Habit / Hardcore Max 2 / Ian's First Girlfriend / That Damn Prison Break / Unitarded / LeVar Burton Buys Smosh (April Fools) / Anthony's Death / Anthony's Resurrection / Anthony is Mexican / Grammar Police / I Heart Burgers / A Hairy Situation w/ Billy Mays / A Very Hairy Situation w/ Billy Mays / Washington's First Video Blog / Food Battle 2009 / The Ultimate Shoedown / Bigfoot is Gay / If Movies Were Real / Four Years Foreplay / Twilight: New Moon Deleted Scenes / Mighty Smoshin POWER RANGERS / Kid Craps Himself in Drift Car! / Pizza Zombies! / X-Mas: PORN on Santa's Computer / X-Mas: Osama's First Christmas / X-Mas: Santa Gets Down / Best of Smosh 2009
Season 2010 Charlie the Drunk Guinea Pig / Ian Gets Lucky / Anthony Gets Engaged / HELP! WE'RE FAT! / EDITOR! / CRAZY FATASS! (True Story 1) / Ian Is Pregnant / If Video Games Were Real / Anthony Poses for Playgirl!?! / Smeagol Loves the Precious / Boxman 2.0 / I Love Lou Ferrigno! / Leave It To Bieber / Charlie the Drunk Guinea Pig 2 / 5 Ways to Get a Girl / Lizard Rabies / Super Powers! / My Mom's AMAZING Video! / How Lady Gaga Got Famous / The Famous Cheese Guy / WTF! I'm Old! / Inappropriate Sonic / Arm Wrestling TO THE DEATH / KILLER TEDDY BEAR! / If Cartoons Were Real / Food Battle 2010 / FIRETRUCK! / 2 GUYS 1 BATHROOM / SELLING OUT!? / ★ MY FANNY PACK! ★ / PLAYING WITH GUNS! / THE FUTURE SUCKS! / That Damn Punishment / If Scary Movies Were Real / HALO RUINED MY LIFE! (True Story 2) / EPIC TEENY BATTLE! / HARRY POTTER DELETED SCENES! / Pokemon Theme Song REVENGE / VADER AND ME! / Cute Furry Kittens / TRON: Legacy *LEAKED FOOTAGE* / MY NEW HOT GIRLFRIEND / Best of 2010 Remix
Season 2011 HOW TO HIDE A B0NER IN PUBLIC! / Paranormal Easy Bake Oven! / *NEW* Smosh Reality TV Show! / I'M NAKED! / HOT ROBOT SLAVE / JUSTIN BIEBER HITS PUBERTY (Never Say Never 2) / If Kids Shows Were Real / AMAZING NEW DRINK! / Charlie the Drunk Guinea Pig 3 / Charlie the Drunk Guinea Pig 3.5 / WORST TWIST ENDINGS EVER! / I KILLED THE TOOTH FAIRY! / MEETING MY IDENTICAL TWIN! / 3D is AWESOME! / I'M A PIRATE (True Story 3) / POKEMON IN REAL LIFE! / OUR VIDEO IDEAS STOLEN! / Runbrella (No. 1 MOTHER'S DAY GIFT!) / If Superheroes Were Real / DRIVING ME CRAZY!!! / REJECTED VIDEOS! / HOW TO DUMP YOUR GIRLFRIEND! / MY MAGICAL TAPEWORM! / POKEMON IN REAL LIFE 2! / MY BATHROOM SECRET / If The Internet Was Real / I'M NOT RACIST!!! / The Harry Potter Pill / MY GRANDPA'S DIRTY SECRET / If Movies Were Real 2 / First Person Shooters Suck! / Best Toy Ever! / Makeup For Men / Star Fox TV Show! / HOW TO COVER UP A MURDER / Food Battle 2011 / The Internet For Dummies / THE DITTO - Movie Trailer / XTREME SLEEPOVER! / POKEMON IN REAL LIFE 3! / THE NEW GHOSTBUSTERS / TEENS IN THE WILD! / REAL VOODOO DOLL! / The Legend of Zelda Rap / The Pokemon Master! / Motion Gaming Sucks! / I'M POSSESSED! / Meat in Your Mouth / If Holidays Were Real / Best of 2011 Remix!
Season 2012 SIRI TRIED TO KILL ME! / HOW TO BE A COP! / REAL DEATH NOTE! / MIME FAIL! / Parents Suck! / I WAS BRAINWASHED! / REJECTED TWILIGHT ZONE EPISODES! / HITCHHIKING DISASTER! / Attention: Facebook Users / POKEMON IN REAL LIFE 4! / I LOST MY HAIR! / HOMELESS MILLIONAIRE! / N1PPLES ON YOUTUBE! / Smosh On The News! / GUYS' GUIDE TO HUGGING GUYS / If Video Games Were Real 2 / STUCK IN A TOILET! / MANSPIDER! / Magic Keyboard! / 7YR OLD DOES TWILIGHT! / I SUCK AT DRAWING SOMETHING! / HOW TO CHEAT ON YOUR GIRLFRIEND! / SMOSH FOUND DEAD / REJECTED MARIO GAMES / 15 HOUR ENERGY! / My Mail Order Bride! / PEN15 CLUB / MY NEW EMO HAIR! / 5,000,000 SUBSCRIBERS! / OISHI WILL KICK YOUR ASS! / LIFE HACKING! / AWESOME NEW ROBOT! / Stupid Movie Sequels / WORST ID PHOTO EVER! / Taken 3 - TRAILER / IPhone 5 REVEALED / FOOD BATTLE 2012 ANNOUNCEMENT! / THAT'S HOT! / DRINK YOUR P!SS / BIGGEST ZIT EVER! / PHOTOSHOP PLASTIC SURGERY / BADASS NEW POWER RANGERS / GAMER GETS TROLL'D! / Food Battle 2012 / Teleporting Fat Guy is BACK! / Ultimate Assassin's Creed 3 Song / Addicted to Honey Boo Boo Child / Wii U Sports is Awesome! / My Pet Pikachu / DUBSTEP COMMERCIALS SUCK! / GIRLFRIENDS IN THE WILD / If TV Shows Were Real / A SMOSHY CHRISTMAS! (Part 1) / A SMOSHY CHRISTMAS! (Part 2) / Best of 2012 REMIX
Season 2013 Disney Star Wars / My Bobblehead is Evil! / Holy Crap! 2 Billion Views! / We're in Super Mario! / That Damn Movie! / Driver's Ed Crap Rap! / Most Violent Game Ever!? / My Stupid Dying Grandpa! / Sexting Gone Wrong! / Life Better-ers! / Banned Airplane Safety Video / Zelda in Real Life! / Worst Online Date Ever / Gas Buster! / If Movies Were Real 3 / Google Glass Sucks! / Sleeping Pill Disaster / Worst Proposals Ever / Amazing New Workout / Good Vs Surprisingly Good / Dixon Cider / We're Stuck Together!!! / What Guys Are Really Thinking / Stop Copying Me! / My Friend's Hot Sister / Japanese Titanic / We Need Friends / Magic Wipes / I Broke My Foot! / The Rarest Pokemon Card! / We Rule High School / I Have Kirby Powers! / Retarded Cats: The Movie / I Have a Secret Son / How to Survive a Burglary / So Many Hickeys! / Our Generation is F*cked: The Movie / Scribblenauts in Real Life / My Twerking Addiction / New Pokemon Crossovers! / Stop Miley / Assassin's Creed 4 Rock Anthem / 22 Crazy Vines (That Don't Exist) / Food Battle 2013 / Loki Interview Prank / We Found a Dead Guy! / Longest Staring Contest Ever / My Mutant Rash! / Smosh Vs Zombies / The End of Christmas (Part 1) / The End of Christmas (Part 2) / Best of 2013 Remix
Season 2014 Horny Cellmate / Molester Moon / Guy's Guide to Being Manly / Movies Vs Reality / Pimps of Prom / Jurassic Pokemon / Hide and Seek / Taylor Swift Dumped Me / Flappy Bird Ruined My Life / Creepy Weird Nudist / Pokemon in Real Life 5! / A Real Ouija Board? / Emma Watson Surprise Prank / If Video Games Were Real 3 / How to Be a YouTube Commenter / The Adventure Time Adventure / Movie Reboots Suck / Real Mario Lava Floor! / The Real Party Song / 19 More Crazy Vines (That Don't Exist) / Real Watch Dogs Hacks! / We're Stuck in Slow Motion / Addicted to Selfies / If Apps Were Real / Name Rap or Die / I Can Hear Your Thoughts / Anime Voice Swap / My Bathroom Disaster / My Morning Routine / The Rock Interview Prank / Real Minecraft Vacation / Disney's Star Wars Blind Date / If Bieber Wrote His Songs / If TV Shows Were Real 2 / Autocorrect Fail / iPhone 6 Revealed / Movies on Drugs / Conjoined Challenge / F**k Spoilers! / Your Dumb. I'm Dumber / This Video is Offensive / Backwards Challenge / Guns Suck / The New Slenderman / 6 Ways to Get a Girl / 9 Most Horrible Bosses / Ultimate Fan Suprise Prank / Food Battle 2014 / Top 10 Video Game Dances / Magic iPod / Just Like Link / Christmas Apocalypse (Part 1) / Christmas Apocalypse (Part 2)
Season 2015 Best of 2014 Remix / If Guys Had Girl Problems / Smash Rap / Time Traveling Pickup Master / Murder Party / The Internet in Real Life / If Romantic Movies Were Real / The Truth Behind Emojis / Video Game Items in Real Life / My Hot Online Girlfriend / Apple Watch Sucks / Worst Parents Ever / Sex Turban / Ultimate High School Prank / 20 Million Subscribers! / We're in Super Mario Bros 2! / LEAKED Legend of Zelda NETFLIX TRAILER / Avengers: Age of Ultron LEAKED FOOTAGE / Anthony is Dating a Fan / EVERY BLANK EVER (Trailer) / The Mother's Day Rule / Every Instagram Ever / MAGIC iPAD / If Board Games Were Real / Every Party Ever / CHRIS PRATT INTERVIEW PRANK / THE NEW ANT MAN / Every Game Of Thrones Ever / SMOSH: THE MOVIE (OFFICIAL TRAILER) / Every Dad Ever / Batman's A Bitch / GODS IN REAL LIFE / Every Wrestler Ever / SEXUAL SUN / Camp In A Van / EVERY SNAPCHAT EVER / Hand Bomb / Old People Movie Prank / Every Cat Ever / The Wiener Song (Autotune) / WHO THE F*CK IS THAT GUY?! / Every Break Up Ever / 6 People 1 Donut/TOM CRUISE IS MY ROOMMATE/Every Teacher Ever/We're in Super Mario Bros 3/Finger GunsEvery Vine Ever/If the Internet Were Real/Epic Trailer Gone Wrong/Every Birthday Ever/Movie Translation Fails/Food Battle X Announcement/If Kanye Were President/Every Walking Dead Ever/HOW TO GET A GIRLFRIEND/Food Battle X Cartoons/THE BAD PARTS OF HEAVEN/Every Halloween Ever/Yelp For People!/If Video Games Were Real 4/Every Thanksgiving Ever/Montage Machine/1985 vs 2015/Food Battle X Trailer/Every Smosh Video Ever/Food Battle X/F**ked Up Christmas Movies/Every Jedi Ever/Netflix Conscience/