In the house
(Ian sees Anthony laughing and crouching down. After that Ian makes a fake cough)
Anthony: (stood up) Oh hey man. What's up? (laughs)
Ian: What are you doing with my mom's yarn?
Anthony: Oh uh, I-I just sucked the cat?
Anthony: Yeah, I sucked up a cat and got its powers. Pretty sweet; right? But uh, now I have this strange addiction to yarn. (licks the yarn)
Ian: So you have "cat powers"?
Anthony: Yeah man, check it out! I can jump really high; (jumps on the table) and I can sleep for fourteen hours a day and only wake up for food and meow like a little bitch if you don't feed me and... (spits out a hairball to Ian's shirt)
Ian: (picks up the hairball) Ah gross! (drops the ball) So, what you're saying is that you suck things up and get their powers, like Kirby or something.
Anthony: No! Wait. Actually yeah, it does sound like Kirby.
Ian: (gets a toaster) Can you suck this? (throws the toaster)
Anthony: (sucks in the toaster, poops out toast, and takes it out of his butt) Oh ho!
Ian: Cool, ass toast! (runs to Anthony to eat the toast) Suck more things!
Ian: (holds a blender) Suck on this! (throws the blender)
Anthony: (sucks the blender, made a smoothie inside of him, and spits it out) Oh (gives Ian the smoothie) god, I have no idea what's in that smoothie.
Ian: (drinks the smoothie with a straw) THIS IS THE GREATEST FREAKING SMOOTHIE EVER! (drinks some more of the smoothie)
Ian: (holds his phone) Suck my phone! (throws his phone)
Anthony: (sucks Ian's phone and mimics the voicemail of Ian's mom) Hi Ian, it's mom. I'm just calling to say, "I love you."
Ian: You're the coolest voicemail ever!
Anthony: (mimics more of the voicemail) But if you pee your bed one more time, I'm not washing it for you.
Ian: O-Okay, that's enough!
Ian: Suck my (grabs a dictionary) dick.......tionary! (throws the dictionary)
Anthony: (sucks the dictionary and has his head turned to a book) My face is a book. (exhales through his mouth while it closes) Get it, Facenovel?
Ian: You mean Facebook.
Anthony: Damn it! I knew I'd mess that one up.
Ian: Okay hot shot, (grabs an unplugged hair dryer) suck on this! (throws the hair dryer)
Anthony: (sucks the hair dryer and blows Ian's hair)
Ian: (moves his head) Oh yeah. Oh oh oh yeah.
Anthony: What are you doing?
Ian: Trust me man, it will look really sexy in slow-motion. Hit me again.
(Anthony blows Ian's hair again and the camera plays in slow-motion making Ian look sexier)
camera: (plays catchy music) Da! Oh yeah. (stops playing in slow-motion)
Anthony: Okay that actually is pretty sexy. Dude, flip me the bird.
(Ian shows Anthony his middle finger)
Anthony: No, the dead one right there!
Ian: Oh! (spits) Duh! (picks up the dead bird and throws it to Anthony) Flip.
Anthony: (sucks the bird and lies to the ground) Plah!
Ian: Heh. Nice.
(Bruce whistles as he enters)
Bruce: Huh? (Gets sucked by Anthony) AHAHAHAH!
(Anthony sucks Bruce)
Ian: (gets off of the chair) Okay dude, I think you'd sucked enough things.
Anthony: (stands up) Oh come on! You're just jelly because I sucked a hot girl and you didn't.
Ian: Well that "girl" wasn't exactly a girl. She was, kind of a Taiwanese hooker named Bruce. (shrugs)
Anthony: So, you're telling me I sucked a guy?
Ian: Pretty much.
Anthony: Huh? Yeah I was wondering why I didn't get any cool girl powers like I don't know, the ability to shoot milk outta my nipples or something.
Ian: Dude, no girls can do...
Anthony: Wait, why was that Taiwanese male hooker in our house?
Ian: I don't know. Why would-Why would I know that?
Anthony: You know what, I don't care; I wanna suck everything: big things, small things, furry things. (yells) I WANNA SUCK IT ALL! (cackles)
By the front yard
Neighbor: (overheard what Anthony said and exhales through his nose) Kind of reminds me of my old college days. (walks away from the house firmly)
Back in the house
Anthony: The more I suck, the more abilities I get. Suck a cat, jump really high. Suck a refrigerator, poop ice cubes. Suck a Taiwanese hooker and get something that I don't really wanna talk about and I might need to go for the doctors for; but you know what, I don't care. I want ALL the power!
Ian: Anthony, you have to stop! You don't understand; it's okay in the video games, but this is real life!
Anthony: Too bad Ian, it's too late. In fact, I need to know what YOUR power is. Haha.
Ian: No, don't suck me bro! Don't! (tries to avoid being sucked in) No, ah! (makes noises while gripping the counter)
Anthony: (sucks Ian and grows a bowl-haircut) All I got was this bowl-haircut? Awesome! Yeah! (jumps)