How Not to Act on a First Date

Date forsmosh

December 4, 2006
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How Not to Act on a First Date is the second installment of the "How-To" Series.

Brief Synopsis: Adam watches a video on how NOT to act on a first date but he accidentally misses the NOT part.


Adam (Ian) is talking on the phone with somebody. After a short conversation, he says he has to hang up and watch a dating video before his first date with a girl named Amy. He puts the DVD in his laptop, but before he can watch the beginning, he hears the microwave beep. He goes to fetch his popcorn while the video instructor (played by Anthony) says, "For all you morons out there who don't know how to act on a first date, this video will clearly show you How Not to Act on a First Date. Again, stay clear of doing any of these things, and you'll be just fine." Adam arrives after the intro, and the video instructor says, "I break my program into 5 easy steps:

1. Hygiene

The instructor says to not take a shower, but instead just apply deoderant to wherever you think it needs to be applied. Adam does so in his bathroom.

2. Dinner

The instructor says to disregard your date's opinion on where they want to eat, and just go where you want to eat instead. Adam's date states that she wanted to go to an Italian restaurant, but Adam took her to McDonald's instead. Adam asks, "What's wrong with this place? They have a Dollar Menu. Do you know how much food you could get for $10?"

3. Conversation

The instructor says that girls like to talk, a lot, so to show her that you're listening, just nod your head and agree to everything. Adam's date is saying, "So then she like totally called me stupid, do you think I'm stupid?" Adam responds, "Yeah." His date replies, "What?" Adam says, "Uh-huh." Adam's date, feeling insulted, asks him, "Are you retarded?" to which Adam also says "Yeah," before saying, "Wait, sorry what?"

4. Paying the Bill

The instructor says to come up with a pathetic excuse to why you can't pay the bill and make her do it instead. Adam's date asks him if he's going to pay, but Adam says that while he was taking a dump, his wallet fell in the toilet, and he decided not to pick it up afterwards. He then gives her the option to get his wallet if she doesn't want to pay.

5. Saying Goodbye

The instructor says not to do stupid things, like walk your date up to the door. So Adam drives his date back to her house, and when she asks, "Are you gonna walk me up to the front door?" Adam drives away immediately.

The instructor then says to immediately call her back again and ask to go on another date. Adam calls his date, but is surprised when she refuses. He then calls the person who gave him the DVD, and tells him that his date won't go out with him again. He then says, "What? Are you serious?" and ejects the DVD from his laptop. He sees the title "How Not to Act on a First Date" and curses.




How Not to Act on a First Date/Script



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