Heroes of the Storm is the forty-nineth episode of honest game trailers.
From the company behind the games the entire world loves, and the national sport of Korea, comes: Blizzard DOTA; no, I mean Blizzard All-stars; I mean, Heroes of the Storm. Shouldn't they have called it Heroes of the Blizzard, blizzards are storms too, right?
Prepare for Blizzard's brand new game, inspired by a mod to one of their old games that created an entirely new genre of game, that got more popular than any of their other games, causing Blizzard to develop a new game, ripping off the other games, that ripped of their old game. Okay, simple enough for me...
Through cents out the window for an all out war between the Demons of Diablo, the aliens of Starcraft, the armies of Warcraft, and the lost vikings of... the Lost Vikings, to see once and for all which side is better at beating up walls and statues.
"Why are we doing this again?" "You know, you really shouldn't think so hard about these things."
Gear up for this all out orgy of bad fan-fiction that asks you to believe boo plate armor and a sniper rifle can go toe-to-toe with the literal devil, then throw spiders, dragons and pirate ghosts into justthe mix, and in case things weren't bad-s**t crazy enough, ride a rainbow unicorn if that's what floats your boat.
Experience the perfect moba for newcomers that got rid of all the boring stuff from competing games like farming, shopping or having to be any good, as you experience the innovative new team EXP system where everyone shares in the rewards of battle from each according to their abilities, according to their needs, err... Communism.
The innovation don't stop there, watch heroes surpass expectations just by not looking like c**p, having more than more than one map that's worth playing, and letting any game end the round trail, because that's how long anyone sane would wanna play one of these risk-rocking click-fests...
So now that we've all gotten used to being micro-paymented to death, let Blizzard get in on that on that sweet, sweet revenue stream by making you purchase the only character you use in the tutorial.
"What've I got myself into this time?"
Then spend 'real' money on imaginery clothing that does nothing except belittle the character themselves.
"I'm so sorry, the once proud dwarven king, I'm so, so sorry!"
Starring: Magic Ghost Wolf, Legally not Thor, Purple Knife Twirly Master, Chick Fil A, Pink Floyd, Ambiguously Gay Trio, every Blizzcon cosplay, Nipple Rings, Furries, the other Jack Black character, my ex, Ice Ice Baby, five bucks I won't get back, Asian predator, Meth Head, Furiosa, Dwarf Fortress, Fairy Fish Boy, the girl, the other girl (I'm told), Chris Jenner in a wet sausage casing, No idea, seriously what the f**k, what is happening and the only Blizzard character most people know by name.
"No one here heard of Kariigan, from Starcraft? Queen of Blades?"
"Yeah, God forbid they let you play a character. Smokes when you can still play as the literal devil."