|“||*Police sirens* SHUT UP!||”|
—Shut Up! Opening
|HOW TO BE A COP!|
Want to be a cop? Sergeant Anous shows you the steps on how to be just as good of a cop as he.
Sergeant Anous (Ian) says that there's two people in this world: "good-for-nothing criminals and officers of the law." He tells the viewer that he'll show them how to be a police officer. After saying "Let's go," the camera zooms out to reveal Anous harassing a criminal.
Step 1: Parking Enforcement
Anous starts to explain about this step when a car parks in a handicapped parking spot. Anous tells the driver that he is illegally parking in a handicapped parking spot. The driver starts to apologize and says that he'll move the car, but Anous says that he's resisting arrest and shoots him in the leg. ("Handicap'd!")
Step 2: Problem Solving
Anous says that shooting helps with any problem.
Anous shoots a vending machine and out comes a can of soda. ("Soda Pop'd!")
Hate the Channel?
Anous shoots the TV, which has I'M NAKED! on it, which changes the channel to Epic Meal Time. ("Smart!")
Got a Ticket?
A meter maid gives Anous's police car a ticket. Anous grabs the ticket, shoots it and flips off the meter maid. ("F*** Meter Maids!")
Step 3: Speeding Violations
Anous tells the viewers that one of the perks to being a cop is that women always flash their boobies to get out of tickets. In an example, an old woman asks if there's anything she can do to get out of a ticket as she unbuttons her shirt. When she unbuttons it completely, Anous screams. ("Saggy Flapjacks!")
Step 4: Stay Hydrated
Anous takes a drink of water out of a drinking fountain. ("Healthy!")
Step 5: Have FunAnous tells the viewer that it's always fun to prank call other departments. A fireman comes in and says, "We got a report of someone with exploding diarrhea! Who is it?" Anous pops up and says, "It's your wife!" Both of them laugh until Anous asks the fireman how his wife really is, who responds, "You know she's dead, right?" Anous says that his wife is dead also before they high five while making strange faces. ("Single Ready To Mingle!")
Step 6: Law Enforcement
Anous says that "no matter what anyone says, jaywalking is a crime." Anous catches Anthony about to cross the road and stops him, shouting, "Jaywalking!" Anthony tells him that he just needed to get across, but Anous says that he should've used the crosswalk. Anthony points out that there aren't any cars coming, which prompts Anous to look both ways and see that he's right. Regardless, Anous shouts, "BULLS**T!" and shoots Anthony to death. Anous goes up to Anthony's body and tells him that they have laws for a reason. He tells Anthony that had Anous not shot him, then Anthony would've been hit by a car instead, only for a car drive by and run over Anous. ("Irony'd!...bitch)
Step 78: Self Defense (Bonus Step)
Anous says that it's important to defend yourself from criminals and demonstrates his favourite moves. The Testicle Twist does what the title suggests, where Anous twists the criminal's testicles. The Ball Crush has Anous knee the criminal's groin. The Scrotum Pull has Anous pull on the criminal's scrotum. Anous says that if those fail, then he usually just uses his favorite of all: The Bullet to the Head.
- This is so far the only video in the "How To" series where Anthony is not the instructor.
- The video that Sgt. Anous was watching in the "Hate the Channel?" part of step two was I'M NAKED!, the part when Anthony got naked in front of lan, but when he shoots the TV, it changes to Epic Meal Time, an unknown episode when they're laying bacon on a tinfoil tray.
- Also it is unknown how the "I'M NAKED!" video got on TV since the video was uploaded on YouTube and not released on TV.
- This is the third time Sgt. Anous shot Anthony.
- This is the fifth appearance of Sgt. Anous overall.
- The police car was not borrowed from the police department, as they probably wouldn't allow anyways. Instead, it was crudely made from a rental car, the police lights and stickers attached magnetically for easy removal.
- When Anthony was shot down he fell forward but when Sgt. Anous came to Anthony, it looks like he fell backward.
|“|| (Ian) Thanks for subscribing!
(Sgt. Anous) Stop right there criminal scum! Stop begging for subscribers!
(Ian) But I wasn't begging, I was just thanking fo-
(Sgt. Anous) BULLSH*T! (shoots Ian)