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(Ian wakes up from his sleep and sees the wake up call)

Ian: What the hell? Dude, what the hell is this?

Narrator: These are Google glasses. The newest piece of technology that'll change the way everyone lives.

Ian: (sees the glasses) When did I start wearing these ugly glasses?


At 9:14

(Ian sees a voicemail)

Ian: Uuum, answer call.

Anthony: Hey dude, can you meet me at the park at ten? I want to show you something.

Ian: Sure. See you there.

Anthony: Alright. Cool--dude, are you taking a dump?

Ian: What?! No.

Anthony: Uh, I can see you; we're on video chat.

Ian: Huh? Oh - oh my god! Uh, see you at ten.


At 9:22 outside

Narrator: Google glasses optimizes your life by showing you ads specifically tailored to your online shopping history.

Ian: Hey, how do I make this go away?! (bumps by a woman's baby stroller)

Woman: Watch where you're going, you idiot! (throws Ian down)

Computer: (sees the wound) You should purchase a bandaid for your wound. I found the best deal for bandaid on Ebay; would you like to purchase?

Ian: I don't have time for that; I'm bleeding now.

Computer: Understood; showing all results for bandaids within a five-mile radius.

Ian: Oh come on. (bumps into the woman)

Woman: (gasps) Back off! (tazes Ian and runs away with the stroller scared)


At 9:35, somewhere else:

Narrator: Google glasses inaugurates Google Maps with full navigation.

(the computer tells Ian what direction to go to)

computer: Turn left. Turn right. Keep walking forward. Keep walking forward. Keep walking forward.

(Ian keeps on bumping into a wall)


At 9:39 on the street:

(Ian video chats to Anthony while jaywalking)

Anthony: Hey man; you're almost here?

Ian: I have no idea.

Anthony: Uh dude, what happened to your face?

Ian: I ran into a couple of walls.

Anthony: Okay, uh, anyway, can you pick me up some chicken nuggets? Oh, and take a picture of that mural on Jefferson Street.

Ian: Sure man. (stops video chatting Anthony)


At 9:46 near the mural:

Narrator: Taking photos has never been easier.

Ian: (sees the mural) Take a picture and send it to Anthony.

(The camera tries to focus on taking a picture)

Ian: What the hell?  Come on.  (tries to clean the glasses)

(the glasses take a photo of Ian's belly button and send it)

Computer: Sending picture to Anthony

Ian: Dammit, no!!!

(Anthony sees the picture the glasses sent him)

Anthony: What the fu...


At 9:52 near an apartment building

Narrator: Google glasses are also helpful in teaching you how to cook or showing you the ingredients in your food.

Ian: One chicken nugget please. (pays the rasta)

Rasta: Oh yeah man; here you go. (gives the nugget)

Ian: Mmmm. (eats the nugget)

Computer: Analyzing.

Ian: Mmmm.

Computer: This chicken nugget contains...

Ian: Mmmm, that's good.

Computer: ...chicken breast, bread crumbs, lard, plastic, saw dust, pig rectum, horse placenta...

Ian: Oh.

Computer: ...whale semen...

Ian: Oh.

Computer: ...rat fecal matter.

Ian: Oh my God. (throws up)


At 10:01 in the park

Narrator: So as you can see, Google glasses will change the way you live your life.

Ian: (sees Anthony) Hey, man.

Anthony: Oh, hey; you're late.

Ian: Sorry; it's just these stupid glasses; so what'd you want? (gives the nugget)

Anthony: Oh, haha. I actually just wanted some chicken nuggets. (takes the nugget and examines it) Did you take a bite out of this and is that puke?!

Ian: Oh, I-I gotta run. Bye. (runs away)

(Anthony eats the nugget)

Ian: Uh, route me the nearest direction to a plastic surgeon to fix my broken ass nose.

Narrator: And Google glasses feature an impressive one hour of battery life.

(the glasses shut down)

Ian: What the... (crash by the stroller of the woman and trips)

Woman: (gasps) Oh, you sicko. (grabs the baby and beats up Ian with it)

Narrator: Google glasses: Are you ready for the future?

Ian: Ah!

Woman: Take that!

Ian: Oh! Augh!

Deleted Scene #1

Ian: Mm. Oh, oh my god. (throws up) Dude, why'd you put fecal matter in there.

Rasta: Just a little bit. Dude, I ran out of toilet paper, bro.

Ian: Oh, yeah.

Rasta: You know, have you ever... Come on, come on.

Ian: Mmm, it's not too bad to be honest.

Rasta: That's what I'm saying man.

Ian: Yeah.

Rasta: It's a good deal too.

Ian: Yeah, I know.

Rasta: One dollar make, ah, Honey Boo Boo holler, you know?

Ian: Oh.

Deleted Scene #2

Ian: Looks good.

Rasta: Yeah.

Ian: No, I don't have any more money.

Rasta: I-I'll pay you a dollar and you could do baby bird into my mouth.

Ian: Okay, ready?

Rasta: Yeah.

Ian: Ready?

Rasta: Alright.

Ian: Ready?

Rasta: Yeah.

(Ian spits out some of the nugget and runs away while laughing)

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