(Ian wakes up from his sleep and sees the wake up call)
Ian: What the hell? Dude, what the hell is this?
Narrator: These are Google glasses. The newest piece of technology that'll change the way everyone lives.
Ian: (sees the glasses) When did I start wearing these ugly glasses?
(Ian sees a voicemail)
Ian: Uuum, answer call.
Anthony: Hey dude, can you meet me at the park at ten? I want to show you something.
Ian: Sure. See you there.
Anthony: Alright. Cool--dude, are you taking a dump?
Ian: What?! No.
Anthony: Uh, I can see you; we're on video chat.
Ian: Huh? Oh - oh my god! Uh, see you at ten.
At 9:22 outside
Narrator: Google glasses optimizes your life by showing you ads specifically tailored to your online shopping history.
Ian: Hey, how do I make this go away?! (bumps by a woman's baby stroller)
Woman: Watch where you're going, you idiot! (throws Ian down)
Computer: (sees the wound) You should purchase a bandaid for your wound. I found the best deal for bandaid on Ebay; would you like to purchase?
Ian: I don't have time for that; I'm bleeding now.
Computer: Understood; showing all results for bandaids within a five-mile radius.
Ian: Oh come on. (bumps into the woman)
Woman: (gasps) Back off! (tazes Ian and runs away with the stroller scared)
At 9:35, somewhere else:
Narrator: Google glasses inaugurates Google Maps with full navigation.
(the computer tells Ian what direction to go to)
computer: Turn left. Turn right. Keep walking forward. Keep walking forward. Keep walking forward.
(Ian keeps on bumping into a wall)
At 9:39 on the street:
(Ian video chats to Anthony while jaywalking)
Anthony: Hey man; you're almost here?
Ian: I have no idea.
Anthony: Uh dude, what happened to your face?
Ian: I ran into a couple of walls.
Anthony: Okay, uh, anyway, can you pick me up some chicken nuggets? Oh, and take a picture of that mural on Jefferson Street.
Ian: Sure man. (stops video chatting Anthony)
At 9:46 near the mural:
Narrator: Taking photos has never been easier.
Ian: (sees the mural) Take a picture and send it to Anthony.
(The camera tries to focus on taking a picture)
Ian: What the hell? Come on. (tries to clean the glasses)
(the glasses take a photo of Ian's belly button and send it)
Computer: Sending picture to Anthony
Ian: Dammit, no!!!
(Anthony sees the picture the glasses sent him)
Anthony: What the fu...
At 9:52 near an apartment building
Narrator: Google glasses are also helpful in teaching you how to cook or showing you the ingredients in your food.
Ian: One chicken nugget please. (pays the rasta)
Rasta: Oh yeah man; here you go. (gives the nugget)
Ian: Mmmm. (eats the nugget)
Computer: This chicken nugget contains...
Ian: Mmmm, that's good.
Computer: ...chicken breast, breadcrumbs, lard, plastic, sawdust, pig rectum, horse placenta...
Computer: ...whale semen...
Computer: ...rat fecal matter.
Ian: Oh my God. (throws up)
At 10:01 in the park
Narrator: So as you can see, Google glasses will change the way you live your life.
Ian: (sees Anthony) Hey, man.
Anthony: Oh, hey; you're late.
Ian: Sorry; it's just these stupid glasses; so what'd you want? (gives the nugget)
Anthony: Oh, haha. I actually just wanted some chicken nuggets. (takes the nugget and examines it) Did you take a bite out of this and is that puke?!
Ian: Oh, I-I gotta run. Bye. (runs away)
(Anthony eats the nugget)
Ian: Uh, route me the nearest direction to a plastic surgeon to fix my broken ass nose.
Narrator: And Google glasses feature an impressive one hour of battery life.
(the glasses shut down)
Ian: What the... (crash by the stroller of the woman and trips)
Woman: (gasps) Oh, you sicko. (grabs the baby and beats up Ian with it)
Narrator: Google glasses: Are you ready for the future?
Woman: Take that!
Ian: Oh! Augh!
Deleted Scene #1
Ian: Mm. Oh, oh my god. (throws up) Dude, why'd you put fecal matter in there.
Rasta: Just a little bit. Dude, I ran out of toilet paper, bro.
Ian: Oh, yeah.
Rasta: You know, have you ever... Come on, come on.
Ian: Mmm, it's not too bad to be honest.
Rasta: That's what I'm saying man.
Rasta: It's a good deal too.
Ian: Yeah, I know.
Rasta: One dollar make, ah, Honey Boo Boo holler, you know?
Deleted Scene #2
Ian: Looks good.
Ian: No, I don't have any more money.
Rasta: I-I'll pay you a dollar and you could do baby bird into my mouth.
Ian: Okay, ready?
(Ian spits out some of the nugget and runs away while laughing)