The official script of Every Party Ever.


Dude #1 (Ian)

Dude, this party is gonna be so sick!

Dude #2 (Anthony)

Yeah, man, I've been waiting all week for this!


Let's party! *Sudden Silence*


Every Party Ever!

Young Woman (Olivia): Hey, can you play that one song that goes like "Di-Da-Da-Di-Di-Li-Dad"? *Song Plays* Yeah!

Narrator: Every Party Ever.

Handsome Nerd (Noah): Oh my god, this guy is passed out and I don't think he's breathing! Can someone help?!

DJ (Keith): Don't you worry, I know just what to do. *Pulls out a Sharpie*

Crowd: Penis, Penis, Penis, Penis, Penis, YEAH!

Narrator: Every Party Ever.

Young Woman: Screw guys, I just wanna have both of my girls tonight! *Notices Dude #2 And Starts Kissing Him*

Young Woman: Mmm, I like this!

Dude #2: Mmm, I know!

Narrator: Ever!

Handsome Nerd: *Turns Down Music, Starts Playing Guitar And Singing*

Crowd: Boo! Boo!

Engaged Man: Hi ya! *Crushes Acoustic Guitar* Play that "Di-Da-Da-Di-Di-Li-Dad" song!

Narrator: Ever, Ever, Ever.

Young Woman: Eww, who's that old guy?

Girl: No one, he shows up to every party

Young Woman: Did he graduate like 4 years ago?

Girl: Right?

Old Man: Look at me, tippin' that beeswax! *Spits*

Narrator: *muffled* Ever.

DJ: Hey, man, that's a nice shirt!

Tough Guy: What did you say about my girlfriend?

DJ: No, no, no, that's a nice SHIRT.

Tough Guy: My mom's not fat! *Punches DJ*

Narrator: Meh.

Drug Dealer: Party's pretty lame, right?

Handsome Nerd: Actually, we're having a pretty great time.

Drug Dealer: You guys wanna take this to the next level?

Young Woman: No.

Drug Dealer: Yeah, I know that stuff's for pussies right? Don't you guys know about the "BEACH"?

Handsome Nerd: Dude, that's LITERALLY just bleach.

Young Woman: It could kill you!

Drug Dealer: Yeah, if you're a wussy! Let's take this to the next, NEXT level. Don't you guys know about, the sep? Seppuku!

Handsome Nerd: What the f*ck, dude!

Drug Dealer: Bros, where you goin'? This party blows.

Narrator: Bulch!

Police Officer: Alright, everybody, party's over, shut it down.

Crowd: Aww!

Police Officer: *Mocks* Aww, look, I'm sorry but we just got a call from an 80-year-old woman who lives 17 miles away.

Handsome Nerd: Dude, how would she even hear us?

Tough Guy: What did you say about my girlfriend? *Punches Handsome Nerd*

Police Officer: Oh!

Young Woman: Oh, YES! *Kisses Tough Guy*

Police Officer: That is nice.

Narrator: Every Party Ever!