In the house
(Ian and Anthony were eating Chinese food when Ian opens a fortune cookie)
Anthony: That's not how you open a fortune cookie. (takes out a knife) This is! HYAAAAAAAAAAH!!! (breaks fortune cookie with knife)
Ian: Dude, that's dangerous!
Anthony: Danger's my middle name!
(Anthony turns at the sound of the doorknob and in comes a guy with an eyepatch)
Eyepatch Guy: Gimme all your milk!
Anthony: Who the hell are you?
Eyepatch Guy: (Sniffs Anthony) I can smell the milk! Tell me where it is!
Anthony: It's over there in the fridge.
Eyepatch Guy: Thank you darling. (Kisses Anthony, goes to the fridge to get the milk) Oh milk. (Starts chugging on the milk bottle as he leaves)
Ian: That was pretty weird.
Anthony: Which part, the fact that some guy just stole our milk or the fact that he kissed me?
Ian: No, my fortune predicted that I'd meet a guy with an eyepatch.
The next day
Anthony: So is your fortune cookie gonna predict the future again?
Ian: Yeah, that was pretty firetruckin' weird, right? (Ian opens his fortune cookie when he looks at the fortune intently)
Anthony: What does it say?
Ian: Get the shovel!
Anthony: (digging) There is nothing here man, I feel like an idiot!
Ian: Oh look! (picks up treasure chest) It looks like some sort of ancient language.
(Anthony turns the chest so the glitter message reads BLACKBEARD'S SECRET TREASURE)
Ian: Oh sweet! (opens the chest to find various jewlery and one big diamond ring inside)
Anthony: My god dude, we're gonna be rich!
Ian and Anthony: Yeah! (high five)
The next day
(Ian hurriedly eats all his noodles)
Anthony: Come on!
(Ian finishes and opens the fortune cookie)
Anthony: What is it?
Ian: It... says that... you and I... get married.
Anthony: Wait, like I- like I marry you?
Ian: How is this possible?
Anthony: It's not!
Ian: But the other two fortunes were correct. I'm not gay, are you?
Anthony: You kidding?
Ian: So... that's a yes?
Anthony: No! Jesus, Ian, it's just a stupid fortune cookie! Just forget about it!
Ian: No Anthony, you don't understand! It's fortelling a prophecy! There's no way around it. What if... what if this is all... meant to be? (starts taking off a ring) Anthony Danger Padilla... (presents ring) Will you marry me?
Anthony: (shakes his head) You need help. (leaves)
Ian: Fine! I would have just divorced you anyway! (throws ring on the table) Men!
(a camera is revealed hidden in a plant filming Ian crying)
In another room
Ian's Mom: Dammit! Our plan has failed! How are we gonna make money off that website now? I knew we shouldn't have paid for that billboard.
(The scene then shows the billboard advertising IanAndAnthonyAreGay.com)