Announcer: Hey, slagger! Do you want to go to SUMMER CAMP?
Billy Hamburger: Yeah!
Announcer: For one day, all by yourself in a swanky little van!
Billy's Mom: Wait, that doesn't sound very safe....
Announcer: It's cheap as hell!
Billy's Mom: Okay! (throws Billy outside)
(Camp In A Van theme music plays)
Billy: Is this the van that takes me to camp?
Announcer: Of course it isn't, sport - this is the camp!
Robert: Hi, I'm Camp Counsellor Robert. You ready to have some fun?
Announcer: At Camp in a Van, you`ll make all sorts of new friends, like Bobby.
Billy: I don`t know that man.
Bobby: Hey Billy! It's me your best friend. I hear you like video games and your mother is a...nurse and your father is... dead.
(Somber Music starts)
Bobby: Sorry, kid.
Announcer: Engage in your favorite summertime activites like... swimming lessons.
Robert: You're swimming Billy!
Announcer: Campfire Songs
(All start coughing)
Announcer: Horseback riding
Announcer: Arts & Crafts
Billy: What does it mean?
Robert: It means you've killed someone on the inside.
Billy: ...inside the van?
(Billy looks over to see Bobby dead and a knife in his hand)
Announcer: Making out with your summertime crush, Dolores.
Dolores: Call the police
Billy: I can't, he hid my phone in his no-no place.
Robert: Alright now kiss you two lovebirds.
Billy: What I don't even know her!
Robert: Shut up you're in love!
Billy and Dolores: No no
(Police sirens start going off)
Robert: Uh.. look at the time.. uh.. I guess I'll see you next summer Billy.
(throws Billy, Dolores and Bobby's body out the back of the van and drives off)
Billy and Dolores: Ahhh
Billy: Wait, this isn't my house, where the heck are we!?
Hispanic Gangster #1: Hey where you from ese?
Billy: Uh no no
(Sees Billy's tattoo on his eye)
Hispanic Gangster #1: Wait speedy, he's been inside. Aye respect.
(checks out Dolores)
Hispanic Gangster #1: Hasta luego chica
Dolores: Hola biblioteca