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ANNOUNCER

 Hey, slagger! Do you want to go to SUMMER CAMP?

BILLY HAMBURGER

Yeah!

ANNOUNCER

For one day, all by yourself in a swanky little van!

BILLY'S MOM

Wait, that doesn't sound very safe....

ANNOUNCER

It's cheap as hell!

BILLY'S MOM

Okay! (throws Billy outside)

(Camp In A Van theme music plays)

BILLY

Is this the van that takes me to camp?

ANNOUNCER

Of course it isn't, sport - this is the camp!

BILLY

AARRRUUUGGGHHHH!!!!

ROBERT

Hi, I'm Camp Counselor Robert. You ready to have some fun?

Announcer

At Camp in a Van, you`ll make all sorts of new friends, like Bobby.

Billy

I don`t know that man.

Bobby

Hey Billy! It's me your best friend. I hear you like video games and your mother is a...nurse and your father is... dead.

(Somber Music starts)

Bobby

Sorry, kid.

Announcer: Engage in your favorite summertime activites like... swimming lessons.

Robert: You're swimming Billy!

Announcer: Sailing

Billy: Ahhh!

Announcer: Campfire Songs

(All start coughing)

Announcer: Horseback riding

Billy: Ahhh!

Announcer: Arts & Crafts

Billy: What does it mean?

Robert: It means you've killed someone on the inside.

Billy: ...inside the van?

(Billy looks over to see Bobby dead and a knife in his hand)

Billy: Ahhhhhhhhhhh!

Announcer: Making out with your summertime crush, Dolores.

Dolores: Call the police

Billy: I can't, he hid my phone in his no-no place.

Robert: Alright now kiss you two lovebirds.

Billy: What I don't even know her!

Robert: Shut up you're in love!

Billy and Dolores: No no

(Police sirens start going off)

Robert: Uh.. look at the time.. uh.. I guess I'll see you next summer Billy.

(throws Billy, Dolores and Bobby's body out the back of the van and drives off)

Billy and Dolores: Ahhh

Billy: Wait, this isn't my house, where the heck are we!?

Hispanic Gangster #1: Hey where you from ese?

Billy: Uh no no

(Sees Billy's tattoo on his eye)

Hispanic Gangster #1: Wait speedy, he's been inside. Aye respect.

(checks out Dolores)

Hispanic Gangster #1: Hasta luego chica

Dolores: Hola biblioteca

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