|AMAZING NEW DRINK!|
Thumbnail of Amazing New Drink!
February 25, 2011
A narrator asks the viewer if he / she is tired of drinking faucet water, the same water that "poor people" drink. An old man struggles to get water faucet, but his arm falls off and he starts coughing out blood and then he falls over and dies. The narrator says to not worry anymore because of the amazing new product Bottled Water.Three teenagers dance around the old man's body with bottled water, while the narrator asks, "Why get your water for practically free from your faucet when you can pay up to five dollars a bottle for our water?". Ian and Anthony then pop up excited before the narrator explains that all the bottles come "adorned with pretty pictures of mountains or palm trees, or anything you like." Ian and Anthony say things they like: Anthony says he likes baseball, Ian says he likes zombies, Anthony says baseball zombies, Ian says lung fish, Anthony says Quidditch, Ian says boobies, Anthony says Thailand, and Ian says green beans. The narrator says that once you go bottled water, you'll never go back. Ian shouts, "Go to Hell, faucet!" and he punches his faucet. The narrator says that bottled water can do almost anything, including washing your car, healing a shank wound, and even flying. Anthony, now in a cast due to flying, throws the bottle in the recycling bin, where they can go "where everywhere else goes." A dilapidated place is shown with the narrator saying, "Don't worry. That foreign country likes having our trash in their backyard! See how happy that kid is to live in your waste?". However, the kid playing with the trash says in a foreign language, "F**k my life." Testimonials are now shown.
Richard Head, CEO of Great Head Hair Salon, says that he spends way too little money on tap water, but he now spends 10,000 times more for bottled water. Stuck-Up Beeyotch Heidi Monfag complained that getting water out of the faucet was "so hard and time staking". She says that she drives her SUV 25 miles to the grocery store to buy bottled water. Secretary of Carpet Matchers Express Queen Latia used to be sexually harassed by her boss until she switched to bottled water. Some homeless guy who has Vietnam flashbacks drank so much water, he pissed himself. Devil Worshiper Suzie Dixtraw said that bottled water brought her grandpa back from the dead. A woman named Amanda used to be a man, a dog named Awomanda used to be a woman, and Tom Cruise used to not be pregnant.
Harry Sachs, who still plays RuneScape, thinks that bottled water is cool. However, the bottled water police come in and takes Harry's bottled water. One officer (Sergeant Anous) drinks it, but spits it out when he discovers that he replaced his bottled water for tap water. Panicked, Harry says that he didn't want to look poor, only to be shot by the officers.
As the homeless guy enjoys pouring water on himself, the narrator says that some people say that you reduce waste and save money by drinking faucet water, only for the narrator to say that that only drug addicts and seal clubbers think that. Ian and Anthony then tell the viewers that they should stay on "that faucet water crap" if they want to be seen as a "racist sexist child molester who kills baby animals." However, Ian and Anthony tell the viewer that if they want huge balls, all the girl and/or boyfriends they can handle, huge balls, trained monkeys that make you toast and abnormally large testicles, they should switch to bottled water.
Everyone in the video says, "Thanks, bottled water!" as Suzie Dixtraw gets taken by her undead grandpa. The homeless guy is still enjoying pouring water on himself. After that, the scene shows the homeless person pouring water on him in slow motion.
Deleted Testimonial #1Edit
A guy who's working out (Ian) is on his 10,000th Arm curl rep when he says that it straight up looks cool when you drink bottled water. He drinks the water, flexes and says that he looks "f***ing awesome."
Deleted Testimonial #2Edit
Heidi Monfag continues her testimonial by saying that she only sees guys drink bottled water and that seeing guys drinking faucet water is "so gay."
Deleted Testimonial #3Edit
A goth guy says that when he drank faucet water one time, he died.
Deleted Testimonial #4Edit
A hooded guy (Anthony) says that he always drank bottled water and if it weren't for people like him, people in foreign countries wouldn't have their land filled with "awesome mountains of bottles on their land", adding that he's jealous.
Deleted Testimonial #5Edit
A woman says that if it wasn't for bottled water, she would have nothing to throw at Justin Bieber.
After the Bottled Water police shot Harry Sachs, one of them pistol whips him over and over. They then get up and leave to get some burgers.
Richard Head (Ian) adds that the viewer should get bottled water, saying that paying 5 cents a gallon for tap water is "just plain idiotic."
|“||*Water gurgling* SHUT UP!||”|
|“||Thanks for subscribing! And if you don't, I hope your next water bottle is full of acid!||”|
- If one looks at Richard Head's bottled water, the words "HERPE WATER" can be seen.
- Richard Head`s name means "Dick Head" because Dick is short for Richard.
- On some other bottles of water, it says: "Toilet Water." It is more noticeable on Some Homeless Guy's bottle.
- The fake arm seen in "Handshake" and "Quest for the Scooter" is a major prop in this video
- The boy from "If Kid Shows Were Real" makes a second appearance as the miserable foreign kid picking up all the plastic bottles.